What Shouldn't Be But Ultimately Is
by whatshouldntbe
Summary: "Though you are different by experiences and gender, your heart, your mind, your soul remains identical. Universes alternating or not, your entire essence, nevertheless, is the same, and that, Jim, is why we will always be t'hy'la." girl!Kirk/Spock
1. Chapter 1

02/18/2012

**Title:** What Shouldn't Be (But Ultimately Is)

**Universe/Series: **Reboot (in more ways than others)

**Rating:** PG13 (Eventual NC-17)

**Relationship status: **first time, slow-build K/S

**Word count: **1,000 for this part; Indefinite So Far

**Plot: **The importance of conception, as it was preordained, does, in fact, effect alternating life-lines.

**Warnings: **always!girl Kirk, angst, action, character death, language, rom-com humor, violence, possible amateur world-building

**Additional Pairings: **Spock/Uhura, brief past Kirk/OMC

**Author Notes: **_Please don't think that this is another 'make one of them a girl to avoid gay squick', no, absolutely not. In fact, het pairings not only make me squick, but dry heave at times. But the idea for this story was irresistible, and I couldn't help but to think, 'what if' with all the other possibilities we see in the reboot!verse. I just wanted to explore the concept that Kirk/Spock can sooo belong to each other, regardless the role that gender plays. And this is mostly to explore Kirk's character, cause he is, to coin a term, fascinating. I have no idea where this is going, but hopefully you'll follow me. This is like, my first fic for this fandom ever. I know sucking is inevitable, but you gotta do what you gotta do, we only got one life right?_

**Summary: **Kirk blinked. Twice. _Hard. _Because apparently, that was what it took to properly digest such outlandish (impossible) information. Alternate universes? Those were things you read about, not experienced right down to the day of your conception. This was insanity. Or, as Bones would say, 'Goddamn _hog_ wash!' But Spock...hell, what would you call him? Older Spock? Time-Traveling Spock? Prime Spock? Older-Time-Traveling-Prime Spock? Maybe just Prime. He did look to be in the prime of old age. Somewhat worn down, a little weathered. Like he'd seen it all, lived it all. And it couldn't be helped that there _was _something familiar about him. But what? _What_? God, this...this..._Prime Spock, _would have it be believed that there were many other Kirks out there, in other universes, who not only Captained the USS Enterprise, gloriously, infamously, but were also _male_? _Consistently_?

Kirk felt her bottom lip tremble with disbelief as she opened her mouth and spat, "Bullshit. There's just no way." Only she totally didn't; and instead, what really came out was, "What the _fuck_? Why am I the only one in this universe without a _dick_?"

"A brash statement, but nonetheless true," Prime Spock replied smoothly with a lifted brow.

Kirk gaped. "Did you just _agree _with me?" God there was no way that could be...that this could be real. Her heart couldn't take anymore surprises. Being marooned on an iced-out planet was enough as it is.

Prime Spock's dark and steady gazed hinted at some small amount of amusement as he said, "Out of the countless and infinite possibilities that surely awaited me on the other side of the black hole, it is pleasing to see that, gender aside, you are still as fascinatingly complex as always."

Vulcan Translation: _Even as a girl, you continue to be ridiculous. But I enjoy that about you. Its reassures me when everything else can not._

Kirk flushed. She couldn't help it. He just gave her the Vulcan equivalent of a compliment. She looked away and chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully with a frown. Damn her own innate ability to read between the (Vulcan) lines. At least this Spock seemed to be fond of her in some small way.

She sighed. Now what to do with that, she had no clue. Starfleet hadn't exactly prepared her for..._this_.

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Winona was quiet. This worried George, immensely. Seldom was his fiancée quiet. Not that she was much of a talker to begin with, but never let it be said that she was the silent type. He frowned and really looked at her. Her gaze was weary and tired. Even the golden waves of her hair seemed unsettled. Her mouth shrugged and moved with the struggle to speak. She had something important to say, George could tell. His worry grew with the continuing silence, but he remained patient. She would say what she had to when she was ready. He only wished that he could reach out and take her hands in his, to assure her that whatever seemed to be bothering her would be something that they both handled equally. But the action could not be committed. He's staring at her through a screen, in one of the Academy's conference rooms. She's safely back in Iowa, while he's in San Francisco, trying to make a life for them through the aid of Starfleet. They had agreed it was for the best.

"I don't want to bother you, George," she finally says.

George smiles and leans forward. "I don't see how you could. After all, your nothing but a gorgeous distraction that I don't mind indulging in once in a while," he says as he shifts his eyebrows with a playful leer.

It got the response he was aiming for. Winona chuckles with quiet flattery and the tension in her shoulders melts away. "George," she whispers with a fond headshake.

"Winona," he echoes and leans against his propped arm, still waiting patiently.

The tension returns when she squares her shoulders and looks him in the eyes. "There's something that I have to tell you. But…" she hesitates once more.

"You can tell me anything," George says softly.

Winona exhales slowly. "Please don't be angry with me," she whispers.

George frowns, heavily confused. An unpleasant sensation churns in his gut, and he fights instinct. "Did you…is there someone-"

"No!" she quickly stops him. "No, George, Jesus, how could you think…I just…it's nothing like that."

"Then what is it? You'll have to tell me because I don't know what to think," George admits as he swallows the lump that starts to form in his throat.

"Just promise not to be-"

"I can't promise anything," he says. He's never been anything but honest and straightforward, and she knows this. "You have to tell me, and trust that I'll try and understand. Is it the baby?"

Winona blinks slowly, and then nods. She takes a deep breath and says, "I found out what the gender of the baby was…weeks ago."

George sighs and runs a hand through his blond hair. "I'm angry," he says simply. "I can't help that. You promised to tell me as soon as you found out. But I still love you."

"I know," she says. "I love you too."

George nods once and glances down before he looks up again. "That isn't what you wanted to tell me though," he pauses and tries to control the shudder of fear that tries to overtaken him. He has to stay calm, and he can't do that if he thinks about their previous (failed) attempts to have children. "It's happened again hasn't it?"

Winona doesn't say anything. Then, she does. "It's a girl."

George blinks. Is. Present tense. Which means… "You're still…"

Winona smiles, a little unsurely, but nods. "Doctor says I'm coming along just fine, no troubles this time."

Joy, like he's never felt starts to unravel inside of him and he laughs from the relief of it all. "What will we name her?"

"Whatever you want," she says quickly, like she's trying to make up for before. He doesn't like it when she does that.

"You sure?" he grins, pressing back the pain of loss for another time, focusing on the now. "I'll name her Tiberius if you leave it to me."

Winona winces, but doesn't try for a fight.

George notices and frowns. "Maybe it'll be served best as a middle name. We can call Jemna. Jim for short."

"Strange," Winona says, "For a girl, so strange, don't you think?"

"Can't settle for lesser than an ordinary name for our girl. And, well, we couldn't very well name her James. Jemna is the next best thing. I know how much you loved your dad Winona, I think…I mean, you don't like it?" George is confused.

Winona stares at him and replies, "Why are you so good to me? Why are you so…even after all I put you through…you just, you're willing to make _me_ happy?"

"Guess I have this weird notion where love is supposed to be everlasting. Good times and bad." he teases. "Your only human Winona, and I love you. I don't blame you for all those times before, how could I? What's the sense of it? It's a curse of the Kirks I think, to love unconditionally. My little girl's gonna get it as bad as me." George shrugs like it's a fact. "Love you," he repeats, blue eyes full of it.

"Love you," Winona echoes, a little bit of wonderment in her voice.

George opens his mouth to reaffirm his love and excitement but a cadet bursts in the room, looking wide eyed and frightened.

"You have to come see!" the cadet urges. "It's...some kind of an attack! There's a big ship, it's lowering some kind of drill!" And then he flees to continue spreading the message.

"George," Winona says hastily. She knows. She just knows what George will do.

George smiles shakily. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing. I'll be right back."

"George," she whimpers. "Don't. Please. I know you. Don't."

"I'll be back. I promise." George turns and leaves the conference room.

Winona waits. Does nothing but wait because that's all she can do. Six hours later and she's still waiting, refusing to move when she just hopes George will come back any moment and grace her with that smile again.

He doesn't come back.

And weeks later when she's at the memorial service, accepting all the medals of honor on her late husband's behalf, stomach full of the genetics he had left behind, she still can't accept that he's really gone. His act of courage and sheer ingenuity may have saved Earth, may forever be known across the planet and other worlds but it meant little to her broken her heart.

What would she tell their daughter? How would Winona be able to explain that her father was a stupidly brave and selfless man who manned a Starfleet shuttle, and with impossible calculations, managed to damage and intercept the drill before it could wipe out their planet? That at the cost of his life he was able to drive away their mysterious alien attackers and save their planet from certain doom.

She was alone now. Alone and scared. She can't do this on her own, didn't plan…had never planned on doing it by herself. Somehow she feels as if she's being punished. For what was once a gift, will now serve as a constant reminder. And she…she just can't deal.

That's why when the baby arrives months later, and perhaps a little earlier than expected, Winona births her, names her, leaves her with her brother Frank and flees.

She never comes back. She doesn't have the heart to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

Uncle Frank isn't very smart. But Jim is. She's smarter than half of the people in Riverside. Or even in all of Iowa. Of course she's never been any further than the borders of Riverside, and so she can only assume she is. And she thinks about it all the time. Leaving that is; just to find out for sure who else is out there. She wants to know what the world has to offer her when this hell-whole of a farm Uncle Frank calls home only offers her misery. Jim admits to being wild like a caged animal. Hell, she's a Kirk. It comes with the territory. It's probably why she can't identify with all the other kids her age. She likes to act out when Uncle Frank pushes her too far. Just one word about her parents is all it takes these days, and he knows that.

James Tiberius Kirk is already a thirteen-year-old delinquent because of that man.

Can't be helped, really. Puberty is taking over, pumping unbridled adrenaline and hormones through her veins. She's bleeding from places she'd rather not bleed from and has no one to talk about it to. The anger from absent parents curls deep within her and drives her to lash out at the world, trying to serve back the unfair hand in life she's been dealt. It's so goddamn unfair sometimes. As she gets older, she gets angrier, more questioning. Why did her dad have to be a hero? Why did her mom leave her behind? Why the hell was she named after men she barely knew?

Sometimes Jim would like to believe that maybe her parents didn't know she'd be a girl. Or perhaps they had some sort of foresight for her personality. Maybe they saw her in her dark blue overalls, rolling around on the ground, throwing untamed punches at Johnny, the boy who _can not _keep his goddamn hands to himself, in the middle of recess for all to see; trying to prove herself (to them) that's she not just some pretty pig-tailed girl who tolerates being doted on.

Maybe they knew she was the kind of girl who likes to pick up old parts from the junkyard so that she can start putting together some mode of transportation for herself. When she was seven she had made her own scooter. When she was ten it evolved into a bicycle. And now she was working on building her own motorized bike. The building for it is a little early. She wont be able to ride it tills she's sixteen, but she'd rather start now and have something to look forward to. No more Uncle Frank lugging her around when he damn well pleased.

The more Jim thought on these things, the more she at ease with the name she felt. And then she was glad she bore the name. It was a good strong name to have, despite the lack of what it said she should have between her legs. It didn't matter. Because she'd rather not be a Pam or some Suzy Q. People will take one look at her and take in the pretty blue eyes, the long corn-colored hair, those pouty pink lips and the golden tan of her skin, and they would just coo and fawn all over her. Then when she told them her name (James Tiberius Kirk) and they saw that determined and hard look in her eye, recognized that last name, they fumbled and thought twice, trying to figure her out and coming to no conclusion. And then she'll open those pouty pink lips, reveal just a little of her genius, and _crush_ them, right along with their idiotic preconceived notions.

Why was it so hard to believe that the beautiful blonde girl with sky blue eyes was actually intelligent, and that her life goals did not include being some kind of shallow model? Good looks, though helpful at times, didn't earn her a whole lot of respect.

But that's the way of things. Humans can't seem to understand her. Maybe that's why she finds herself in her own company instead of the company of others. Jim will spend hours sitting on top of the roof of the house while Uncle Frank drinks himself into a stupor. As he thumps around in the living room, cursing and knocking over furniture, probably looking for her, his personal punching bag.

She'll lie back on that roof and ignore all the angered grunts and shouts and nasty little tricks he tries to use to goad her into coming out so he can have some fun. She'll let down her hair up here, literally as well as metaphorically, because it's the only place where she feels comfortable. She knows it's strange to wear your hair in a ponytail all the time, at least, that's what all the other girls say. They don't understand, and often say that if they had 'such nice long hair', they'd do all sorts of things with it. Jim doesn't. She can't explain why she refuses to let her hair down in the presence of others, or why she keeps it in the same ponytail everyday. Probably one of those defense mechanisms she's read about. She does like to read, to learn.

She refuses to skip a grade; doesn't need people to talk about her more than they already do. She's mostly self-taught anyway. Sometimes she spends hours at the library after school, just so she won't have to go home right away, and just read.

She'll read and read so that when she's forced to come home, she'll have hours of subject matter to think about, to distract her when she eats whatever slop of food Uncle Frank is kind enough to make for her. Then quickly she'll make her way up to the roof. She'll lay back and watch the stars, feeling a twinge in her heart that tells her that up there is where she really belongs, not down here. Gravity's been unkind to her, arresting her to the soil of Earth, when all she wants to do is float away. Maybe somewhere up there, her mother can be found. It's wishful thinking; she knows the truth of it all. Uncle Franck never lets her forget that she's not wanted. By anyone on this planet.

So she can't be blamed for thinking her happiness lies with the stars.

_Crash. _

"…you hiding at you little shit? Come out here!"

_Thump. Thump. Crash._

Jim sighs and rolls over onto her side as her uncle breaks through the haze of her thoughts. The wind picks up a little and plays with the long waves of her blonde hair, sometimes pushing it over her cheek and towards the corner of eyes like a golden curtain. She kind of hopes Uncle Frank will trip and crack his head open on a piece of furniture. She doesn't wish for him to die, no, unfortunately he_ is_ all she's got left. She just needs him incapacitated for a few days.

_CRASH._

"…little bitch. I'll sell that piece of junk car, you just wait. Daddy's not here to stop me now is? Sell it, make a nice penny. Hm? What do you say Jimbo? How much do you think I can get for a legend's pretty little corvette?"

_CRASH._

Jim sits up immediately, no longer able to ignore her raving uncle. He wouldn't dare. He wouldn't _dare. _

_CRASH._

And then Jim remembers all those times, all those strange faces that came and went. All of them huddled around her father's car with uncle Frank, gazes assessing, sizing the worth of it. Jim hadn't thought much of it at the time. Thought her stupid uncle was just showing off. He does it all the time. With her, with the car, with anything that can make him seem less of a worthless pile of garbage.

_THUMPTHUMP**CRASH**._

"Got a good little deal for it, did I mention? Got a guy who's coming in the morning Jimmy. Gonna come and get it. Maybe I oughta buy you a nice little doll? Give you a percentage of what I get. Was your dad's car after all, you should get something shouldn't ya Jimmy?" It's obvious he's stumbling around in her room now, trashing it with the hand that isn't holding the bottle of liquor. It's fine. She's learned never to keep anything important in her room, in the house.

_CRASH. THUMP. THUMP._

Ice cold fire and rage, so much _rage _flutters through her veins. He's gone too far this time. Too far.

When Uncle Frank finally passes out in the bathroom, Jim spends the rest of the night cleaning the house and plotting.

So really, she can't be blamed when she rises with the sun the next morning, swipes the keys off of uncle Frank's nightstand and hops in her dad's cherry red corvette. Before she knows it, she's whipping down the road. Minutes later Uncle Frank seems to shake himself into consciousness and realized what's happened. He calls, cursing her and yelling all sorts of unspeakable things, threatening to call her mother and whip her ass so hard she'll see the same stars her dead father did. Jim cuts the line off mid-rant and pops the top, shoving a pair of black sunglasses on her face.

Up ahead there is a boy holding out his thumb in the universal sign for hitchhiking. Jim grins, honking eagerly, waving and laughing out an almost maniacal 'Hey Johnny-boy!' as she swerves past him. She sees his dumbfounded expression in the rearview mirror before its blocked by a state trooper on his bike. Uncle Frank must have called the authorities. And seriously, she's not just gonna pull over when asked to, she's on a roll. She just whips a hard right and continues towards the canyon.

There is a moment where she embodies adrenaline, thinks about staying in the car, going down with it, joining her father in the great beyond. But she's already spun the car to the side, popped open the door and is clawing violently at the edge to keep from going over. Her hair's a mess and there's dirt on her cheeks, jeans and t-shirt. She pulls herself up, grinning ferociously, heavily satisfied and tugs off the glasses, tossing them over her shoulder as the trooper steps down from his bike, asking for her name.

And just like everybody else, she lets him know exactly whom he's dealing with.

888

Uncle Frank is _not pleased_.

How does she know this?

Tarsus IV happens.

The famine happens

Governor Kodos happens, and then the massacre.

And even when she's safely back on earth sometime later, she'll never talk about it. Never explain why she was able to survive when many others did not. Never could explain how _hungry_ she was, and how it took over, making her so _willing_.

She'll never forgive _Frank _for it. Never.

Nothing will ever undo the horrors she bore witness to.

888

You could even say that she became even more reckless after the fact. Sometimes being so close to death can either settle and subdue you or make you ever more stormier than you were before. Jim had seen these two paths and had taken the stormier road. By the time she's seventeen, she's all cunning and all about having a good time in the company of others.

She still doesn't let her hair down (literally), she never will. No one can ever earn that right.

Besides, sex is no different with or without your hair being down. Jim doesn't care enough to test it, but she does test the sex. With males and females and aliens, and why should she limit herself in this profound experience? Of course it hadn't been profound the first time she tried it, with Johnny of all people, and she had been fifteen at the time. There had been pain and discomfort and Johnny just didn't know what he was doing cause it was all over before she could blink.

She didn't let that discourage her though, she doesn't believe in no-win scenarios, and what people might call promiscuous, she thinks is a healthy dose of sexual revolution. If guys and Orions can do it, why can't she? And she's smart; she knows she can reproduce, so she takes the necessary precautions to ensure she doesn't. She's fucking up her life, sure, but why should she take the responsibility of fucking up an innocent kid's life?

She doesn't just sleep with everybody. She probably sleeps with more women than she does with men. She's always careful whom she chooses. She has her secret little process of elimination. Sex takes up some of her time; the other part of it is spent fucking with the people of Riverside. Hacking into different databases, hotwiring cars and vandalizing here and there. She's a troublemaker, not a rebel.

Idle hands are the devil's workshop after all. So what happens when those idle hands belong to a genius?

Frank had finally learned to leave her be. Jim didn't want his support anyway. That's probably why when she saw the 'Help Wanted' sign at her favorite bar, she decided maybe she'd be good at bartending. She was self-taught after all and she'd read about all the great little drinks they were expected to make. The manager had protested at first, she was underage, but then she batted her eyes and twirled the end of her ponytail and made him laugh. He laughed and couldn't deny she was good. And if a pretty little thing could keep the customers coming back every night, he might just take the risk. All she had to do was lie about her age and never do anything more than a little heavy flirting with the customers. He said that's what got his last bartender in hot water, and the costly damage to his establishment had been unforgivable.

So Jim took the job, bartending the bar just on the edge of town, near Riverside's shipyard, batting her eyelashes, grinning coyly and earning sizeable tips. Tips that got her packing and moving into her own place. Finally free from Frank, who had been eyeing her with a suspicious look of lust as of late. She couldn't risk it. She knew the warning signs. All he needed to do was to drink himself into a stupor, make a move and she'd be hauled away for killing the bastard because he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

She does not tolerate being manhandled by anyone.

But she's gone before he can try. And she's happy, really. She's got a decent job and she's taking care of herself. And she tries to convince herself that nothing is missing, ignoring how the night sky still calls out to her. Or how her talents feel wasted on drunk and horny patrons who forget that they already tipped her, and will tip her again. And for a moment, the pretending goes pretty well.

That is, until _she _arrived.

Jim wasn't stupid, she knew what was happening, what all those red uniforms meant. She knew where they came from and where they were going. She knew why they uncomfortably reminded her of what her father was, and what he had done. But Jim's never anything but stubborn, and played dumb when they came around and talked enthusiastically about just what they planned on doing in those red uniforms.

Bartenders were supposed to be a listening ear, unfortunately. But this night, when _she _came in, Jim didn't mind so much. The dark beauty had strolled up to the bar, all curves and slanted eyes, wrapped perfectly in that regulation uniform and long dark hair reaching down to her waist. She picked up a menu, ignoring the drools and the stares left to right, and rattled off all the drinks she wanted. Jim grinned and waited patiently, even suggested a drink, which was well received, and _pounced_.

"That's a lot of drinks for one woman," Jim says, not even sparing her own hands a glance as she makes them. She's got this, and she's kind of showing off too.

The dark beauty lifts an eyebrow before dropping her gaze back down to the menu.

Jim presses, "How about a shot of jack on me?"

"My drink's are on me, so no thanks," she replies evenly, not even sparing Jim a glance.

Jim smirks. She loves a challenge. God, Mr. Demo was gonna kill her for what she was about to do. "Don't you even wanna know my name before you just reject me?"

"I'm fine without it."

"You are fine without it. Very."

Silence.

"If you don't tell me your name, I get to make one up for you."

Her eyebrow twitches with a hint of annoyance. "Uhura."

"Well don't that just beat all? That's exactly what I was gonna make up for you. But, they don't have last names on your world or something?"

A sigh. "Uhura is my last name."

"They don't have…first names on your world?"

"How are those drinks coming along?" Uhura replies sweetly.

Jim grins. "My name's Jim by the way, thanks for asking."

Uhura looks unimpressed.

Jim rolls her eyes and starts putting some of the drinks on a tray. "So you're a cadet, what's your focus?"

Uhura straightens and cocks back her shoulders with pride. "Xenolinguistics. And you have no idea what that is," she says, giving Jim an assessing gaze.

Jim can feel the judgment, she's familiar with it. Her grin slips just a little, and that competitive edge comes out before she can bottle it back up again.

Challenge accepted.

"Linguistics," Jim starts, finishing the last drink and leaning forward against the bar. Uhura lets Jim into her personal space, recognizing the challenge, and Jim starts falling for her again. "The study of alien languages, morphology, phonology and syntax."

Uhura grins slow but sure. "I'm impressed," she admits, leans in a bit more, and then lowers her voice, "I thought you were just some pretty farm girl who sells moonshine and keeps her redneck cousins out of jail."

Jim doesn't take the jibe personally. She can tell Uhura is warming up to her, and if she plays her cards right, Jim can win her over. "Ah, so you are familiar with the Dukes of Hazard. You know, I get that all the time. S'pretty decent show when you get into it. I wouldn't mind showing you my own little collection."

Uhura throws her head back and laughs out loud, drawing the attention of the other patrons.

Jim thinks, mission accomplished. That is, until some dumbass intercepts before she can claim her prize.

"Aren't you supposed to be serving drinks? I'd like a few, you know, today if you're done trying to fuck this cadet on top of the bar."

Uhura hisses and Jim rears back, assessing the guys and the few goons that lurk behind him. "Relax Cupcake, you'll get your turn."

Cupcake licks his lips. "Now there's an idea," he says with a wink.

Jim frowns. "Fuck off. I don't have time to play around with idiotic giants who have little baby dicks."

Cupcake snarls. "I'd watch it if I were you missy. Maybe you didn't notice, but there are five of us and only one of you."

"Then go get some more guys and then it'll be an even fight," Jim grins and leans forward, patting Cupcake on the face.

Cupcake snarls again, grabs her wrist with bone-crushing force and yanks her over the bar. Jim manages to grab an empty vodka bottle on the way of being hauled over and smashes it over his head with it. He drops like a rock and the other goons move in.

And that's when the real destruction starts.

The bar is in a frenzy, watching the spectacle as five guys try to swing at Jim and fail when she roundhouse kicks them all in their face. She manages to keep them all down, but at a cost. She's so busy with the five of them that she misses as Cupcake regains his bearings and lands a powerful punch to the side of her face. She stumbles back, still caught in surprise, as another punch catches her in the bottom of her lip. Uhura yells and jumps on Cupcake's back, hitting him in the back of his head when he doesn't listen to her protests. Jim takes a moment to drop to her knees before Cupcake and punches him right in his junk.

Again, he drops like a rock.

Jim pants from the adrenaline rush of it all, climbs to her feet and assesses the damage. All of them are on the ground, laying in piles of broken glass and the splintered wood the tables that collapsed when she threw them at it. A smile starts to spread and she winces when pain laces her jaw, and she thinks better of having a celebratory grin. Uhura is staring at her with an almost awe-struck gaze that morphs into something thoughtful, and as Uhura opens her mouth to voice these thoughts, a loud whistle pierces the all too quiet atmosphere and the entire group of red uniforms stand at attention.

An older gentlemen, which Jim's libido acknowledges that he is quite good-looking, is standing in the doorway with his head cocked and amused look on his face as he sizes up the situation. It's then that Jim realizes what she must look like, standing in the midst of it all, and she kind of wants to laugh. But there's too much pain in her jaw, and her eye's throbbing with an oncoming black eye, and she is _so _fired, she just knows it. Before she can escape with all the dignity she has left, the old man introduces himself as Captain Christopher Pike, and how he would like a word with her.

He makes sure to clear out the place before they have their little chitchat. Uhura actually pats her on the shoulder on the way out, looking somewhat apologetic and Jim watches her go, well, watches those legs walk away, and sighs a little regrettably herself. Not the way she wanted to end the night. Captain Pike sits down and motions to the seat on the other side of the only table in the bar that's still in tact. She sits down reluctantly, and by the look in his eye, she's not sure if she's about to get her own little reprimand.

What comes next is a complete surprise.

"En_list_? Ow, fuck," Jim holds her jaw with the bag of ice her manager was kind enough to give to her right as he fired her. Mr. Demo had an unyielding nature, but he was still a softie at heart. She knows he doesn't really want to fire her, but he'd warned her about his intolerance for heavy damage in his bar. Jim works her jaw slowly, "Wow, you guys must _really _be low on your quota."

"Not at all," Pike replies smoothly. "But I'm no fool, James. I know something extraordinary when I see it. I know that instinct of leaping without looking when I sense it. And in my opinion its something Starfleet's been lacking. You, James, I know who you are."

Jim stiffens in her seat. "And who am I Captain Pike?"

"Your father's daughter," he says.

Jim wants to say 'fuck you' but she's got a little respect for her elders. "Are we done?"

"I looked up your file while you were being fired. Your aptitude tests are off the chart. So what is it? You like being the only genius-level offender in the Midwest?"

Jim grins slowly, ignoring the pain in her jaw, and lets her eyelashes flutter. "Maybe I love it," she says lowly, seductively.

Pike sighs. "Okay. Okay. Maybe you do," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a handkerchief and tosses it to her as he stands. "Maybe you can settle for a less than ordinary life. But you feel like you were meant for something better. Four years, and you could have your own ship. We're leaving tomorrow, shuttle for new recruits leaves at 0800-"

"Goodnight Captain," Jim says and turns away from him.

Pike stares at her for a little longer before he turns and heads to the door. Before he leaves, he pauses and says, "You know your father never made captaincy, hadn't even graduated, but he still managed to save over a billion lives, including your own. I dare you to do better." And he's gone.

Jim just sits there. She lowers the bag of ice and runs her tongue over her bloody, swollen lip and winces when she comes in contact with the split. She glances down at the handkerchief Pike left behind, and as she picks it up, she realizes that her knuckles are bleeding also. She frowns and gazes at the floor, Pike's words swirling around her head.

Pike is the reason why she rides through the night, trying to think up all the little reasons why she shouldn't go. Jim doesn't…isn't surprised when she finds more reasons to leave than to stay. But she is surprised that she actually throws all caution to the wind, rides up on her motorcycle, tosses some worker the keys and claps Pike over the shoulder, and says, "Four years? I'll do it in two." She's kidding of course, she suspects to get it done in three, but she wanted to goad Pike like he did her the night before.

She climbs aboard, salutes Cupcake and his goons and continues towards the back, where an empty seat can be found, right next to Uhura, who cutely pretends that she doesn't know Jim.

Jim struggles with buckling herself in. "Never did get that first name," she points out.

Uhura grins coyly.

"I figure I deserve it after all, for defending your honor," Jim continues pleasantly, ignoring the indignant glare to her left.

"_My _honor?" Uhura splutters.

Jim cocks her head and grins obnoxiously. "Exactly. Glad you see it my way, now, about that name…"

"_You_-"

There is some commotion that cuts Uhura off mid-rant and they both turn to see a flight officer pulling out a very disgruntled (and perhaps slightly intoxicated) man from the bathroom. She pushes him over to where Jim and Uhura are, and they go back and forth before the flight officer threatens to physically put him down. The scruffy man scowls and sits without another word, right across from Jim and Uhura. The flight officer nods in satisfaction and walks off. Scruffy man begins to mutter and reaches in his inside pocket as he turns to the cadet on his right and says, "I might throw up on you."

"Uh…um…I think these things are pretty safe," the cadet replies, inching away quickly.

Mr. Scowl isn't convinced. "Don't pander to me kid, one tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds."

Jim snorts. "Wow. That's pretty dark."

Mr. Scowl turns his sharp gaze to her, and somehow it seems to soften slightly. Jim suspects that it has to do with the fact she's a girl. Or maybe it's the black eye, and the whole battered wife look Jim's got going on for the moment. "Trust me, darlin', it ain't dark if it's the truth," he takes a swig from his silver flask before he gestures around them wildly. "Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. Hell, some of the damn passengers are blue. And wait'll you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding." Mr. Scowl grunts, takes another sip from his flask, and mutters, "Space is disease and danger, wrapped in darkness and silence."

"I think I like you," Jim says matter-of-factly, a goofy grin plastered on her face.

Mr. Scowl raises a skeptical eyebrow.

Uhura interjects, "You do realize Starfleet operates in space. Why even come at all if you have nothing but disdain for it?"

Jim leans forward, curious for the answer too.

Mr. Scowl sighs and slumps in his seat. "Got nothing left waitin' for me here. The ex-wife damn near took everything in the divorce, hauled this planet off with her too practically. All I got left is ma' bones."

"Bones!" Jim crows and smiles devilishly. "You know, I think I just might call you that."

"Do what you like darlin', got nowhere to go but up," Bones toasts the sky with his flask. Then, as if he thinks better of it, stops before he takes another sip and offers it to Jim. "You got a name?"

"Jim Kirk," she replies and accepts the flask.

"McCoy. Leonard McCoy," Bones echoes and watches her take a sip from the flask. "Jim short for something'?"

"James."

"Huh," he merely says. "How'd you get that shiner?"

Jim grinned and looked at Uhura, who seemed to have decided to stay out of the conversation. "Good question, Bones. Uhura, how _did _I get this shiner?"

Uhura ignores her.

Bones frowns in confusion.

Jim decides that maybe this will be the best decision of her life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

**THREE YEARS LATER**

Jim is sitting on the steps in front of one of the academy's main buildings, waiting for Bones to round the corner like he usually does when he's finished a class. There are red uniforms everywhere and Jim has to admit that she never thought she'd be one of them, but since she's been here, it just _clicks._ Jim grins and fiddles with her PADD, opening up a specific program, going through blue prints and designs. She doesn't like to be bested, which is why she doesn't feel guilty at all about what she's about to do. She glances around and spots Bones, headed straight for her, and she quickly finishes up the program and forwards it to the Kobayashi Maru.

Bones steps right in front of her as she tucks her PADD behind her, feigning an angelic pose. "Oh no," Bones says. "You've got that look again."

Jim frowns innocently. "What look?"

"The one that promises the attention of the school board," Bones grunts.

Jim dismisses him with the wave of her hand and they continue forward. "You worry too much," she says as she claps him over the shoulder and pulls him close. "Now, about what we were talking about before we went our separate ways this morning…"

"No."

Jim sighs. "Bones…"

"You're a goddamn fool, Jim. Nobody passes the Kobayashi Maru, that's just the way of things, and no one goes back for seconds, let alone thirds. Now buck up and move on. What're you trying to prove anyway? You don't need it to graduate. Hell, your already way of ahead of schedule!" Bones continues to rant.

"Uh-huh. Listen, I need you there with me tomorrow, kay? You're my best friend and I need your support. Third time's a charm, trust me," Jim says with a wink and she turns and leaves.

"Where are you going?" Bones shouted.

"Just remembered I have a study session with Gaila. Don't wait up, Bones!" Jim calls back.

Bones scowls. "Kid, quit callin' me Bones! It's-" but by this point Jim is lost in the crowd. Bones huffs and shakes his head. "Study my ass," he mutters and continues on his way.

888

"Oh Jim! I'm in love!" Gaila giggles.

Jim frowns. "That is so weird."

Gaila blinked, slowly processing Jim's response. "Did you just say that is so weird?"

Jim rolls her eyes and turns so that she can fold her legs like a pretzel. "It's just a stray cat, Gaila. I don't get it."

"Jim! It's a _kitten _and it's _so_ adorable! How can I not love it?" Gaila says as the orange fur ball twists itself on Gaila's lap and paws at the air.

"Easily," Jim mutters falling back against Gaila's bed in sheer boredom. "I thought we were gonna make brownies."

Gaila giggles as the kitten pounces Jim and curls on her chest. "Looks like someone finds you irresistible," she points out.

"Join the club." Jim briefly runs a gentle hand down the kittens back as it purrs, before letting her hand fall back to her side. "Gaila. Brownies?"

Gaila rolls her eyes. "One-track mind, I swear. You know I was going to go get the ingredients and reserve one of the kitchens but I saw this little guy and I just fell in love."

Jim glared at the ceiling as said kitten hopped off of her chest and started rubbing its sides right up against her face. Jim scrunched her nose and tried not to giggle. "This kitten has to be punished for its unspeakable crimes. I want brownies and it has kept me from my brownies."

"Don't you dare harm that poor defenseless animal, Jim! If it's that serious," Gaila stands and begins to strip out of her uniform. "I will take his punishment."

Jim sits up immediately; startling the kitten and making it jump down to the floor and hide under the bed. "Punishment hm?" she says takes a moment to appreciate Gaila's lack of clothing. "What do you suggest I do exactly?"

Gaila blinked with a thoughtfully serious expression. "I'm told that humans often like to bend their counterparts over their lap so they can spank them. I've been curious about this act."

Jim chuckles like a champion. "Wonder no more. I'll be very happy to-"

The sounds of clicks and a swish, momentarily cuts her off.

Gaila looks panicked. "My roommate's back! She wasn't supposed to be back. You gotta hide under the bed and keep the kitten with you! She'll kill me if she finds out I brought another stray back. She's allergic to cats!"

Jim stands with a frown, "Well how many animals have you-"

"Shhh! Get under the bed," and Gaila shoves her down there.

Jim sighs and softly calls to the little kitten, letting the orange creature curl in close to her chest as she waits and listen.

"Hey," a set of boots attached to some dark legs shuffle around the room. Jim squirms closer to get a better view and grins when she sees Uhura stripping down to her underwear.

Jim hears Gaila speak next. "Hey! I thought you were gonna be at the lab late tonight or with You-Know-Who."

_You-know-Who? _Jim is intrigued. She didn't realize Uhura was dating anyone.

"Yeah but, there was this last minute meeting and, you know how he can be," Uhura says and reaches behind her to unstrap her bra.

_Do it, for the love of God, please do it, _Jim thinks eagerly, and then concentrates on not breathing too hard because Uhura would probably kill her if she found out Jim was watching her like some kind of creepy pervert.

But then Gaila ruins it when she says, "So you're not going back to the lab?"

Uhura stiffens and drops her hands. "Alright Gaila, who is he?"

"Who?" Gaila goes for innocent.

"The mouth breather you've got under the bed," Uhura elaborates.

Jim decides its time to introduce herself. "You can hear me breathing? Man, you've got some freaky ears. Catch." She tosses the kitten to Uhura, who has no time to do anything other than catch the poor thing. "I'm a she by the way, not a he. Who's _You-Know-Who_? You didn't tell me you were dating. You know I really ought to meet them so I can give you guys my blessing."

"Kirk!" She screeches and drops the cat when she realizes just what she caught. Then starts the most entertaining sequence of sneezes that Jim's ever witnessed.

"Oh Jim, did you have to go and do that?" Gaila says as she swipes the kitten from off the floor while handing Uhura a tissue.

"Maybe not," Jim admits with a shrug. "So you were at the lab. What lab? Why were you there?"

Uhura glares daggers but the effect is ruined by another series of sneezes.

Gaila decides to answer on Uhura's behalf. "She likes to hang out a the long range sensor labs, you know, to keep from getting rusty, which I think is ridiculous cause she's the best Xenolinguistics Major there is out there. Why just the other night she was telling me about how she picked up an emergency transmission from a Klingon prison planet, and that there was this escape and a ship was stolen from the-"

"Gaila!" Uhura wheezed and sneezed again. "Don't. Kirk doesn't need to know about-"

Jim interjected cheerfully, "On the contrary, I find the fact that you picked up a transmission like that very impressive."

Uhura glared, not swayed by the compliment at all.

"Your not still mad that I ranked higher than you in that advanced phonology class?" Jim couldn't help but to needle at Uhura a little.

Uhura had given Jim such a hard time when she first arrived to Starfleet. She was convinced, as was half of the academy, that Jim got in based solely off of his last name. It's not Jim's fault that she had to go through extreme lengths to prove Uhura wrong. Okay, so it was more like she hacked into the school's database, pulled up Uhura's schedule and found at least two classes that were relevant to her own major; moving around other students just so she could place herself in said classes and destroy those ridiculous preconceived notions Uhura seemed to have. Uhura hadn't appreciated that.

"Wait, maybe I'm getting that class confused with the Klingon physiology class we took together as well. Hm. Well that _was _first year, and I mean, who could remember back that far anyway."

Uhura was livid. "Get out."

"No problem, we got a big day tomorrow anyway," Jim sang as Uhura stomped after her to make sure she left. "Catch you later Gaila. You owe me some brownies, and a spanking."

Gaila grins and nods enthusiastically.

Uhura sneezes again. "You…you're going to fail."

"Your confidence is reassuring, _Nyota_."

"Don't call me that! You've got no right! How did you even-"

Jim grins as the doors swishes to a close behind her. Okay, so the school's database hadn't been the only thing she's hacked into. Jim's just been waiting for the right moment to spring it on her. Picking on Uhura is way too much fun, and Jim isn't even sure why.

_Probably because I find her the most attractive when she's upset and it bothers me that she looks down on me._ Jim whistles pleasantly and heads back towards her dorms where she can terrorize Bones.

888

Jim grins cockily. She did it. She finally beat the unwinnable Kobayashi Maru, albeit by unorthodox means, but a success none-the-less. Everyone is quiet, staring at her with equal parts of awe and suspicion. She just gives them all a blinding smile (even the instructors watching the simulation up above), waltzes out the simulation bridge, pulls out a victory apple and happily munches away at it. She is _so _gonna go down in history for this. It doesn't take long for Bones and Uhura to catch up. She knew they would have questions, be in awe of her glory.

"How'd ya do it Jim? I'm not trying to pry, hell, I don't even think I want to know," Bones says when he finally catches up.

"Make up your mind, Bones. You either want to know or you don't," Jim says around a piece of apple.

Uhura finally makes an appearance. "I think she cheated," she accused.

Jim snorts and bats away at the blonde bangs that start to crowd her peripheral vision. "I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation."

"I _knew _it. You did. Boy, you really did it this time Kirk. If you get caught-" Uhura looks a little too gleeful.

Jim decides to interject, feeling a slight swell of irritation. "I'm not going to get caught. I did nothing wrong. If anything, the Kobayashi Maru should be brought into questioning. What's a little ingenuity to correct the complete injustice of-"

"Christ, tell me you didn't, Kid," Bones grumbles, stopping dead in his tracks to swipe a hand down his face.

"Fine, I didn't," Jim replies back and takes a particularly loud bite from her apple right in Uhura's face.

Uhura scowls and swats her away. "You don't actually believe that they'll see it from your standpoint if you're brought up on charges of cheating. Tell me you're not that stupid."

"Something tells me that you think I am," Jim mumbles, and more loudly says, "Uhura, you need to relax. And as much as I would love to be the one to help you relax, I think I'm going to go have a celebratory drink."

"God, you are just so…" Uhura turns sharply and stomps off in the opposite direction.

Bones raises an eyebrow at the display. "She really doesn't like you does she?"

Jim waves it off. "Nah, she wants me. She's in denial, and we all know denial makes a person miserable and cranky," she pauses and then turns that assessing gaze to her best friend. "Speaking of which…you know your awfully cranky all the time. Are you-"

Bones scowls.

"I'll take that as a yes." Jim grabs him by the arm and hauls them towards their dorm. "Come on, let's go drink your sorrows away. I know how to mix a few drinks."

They walk side by side in silence for a little while before Bones decides to break it. "They'll rule in your favor Jim," he says.

Jim frowns and glances over at him. "You act as though I'm on trial already. You know you worry too much, Bones."

"Don't get cute with me, Kid. We both know what's gonna happen. No one, and I mean _no one _has ever beaten that ridiculous simulation, and then for you to just waltz in there and actually do the impossible," Bones grunts as he shoves his hands in his pockets and leans his head forward. "It's a fool act on your part, but guess I can't say I didn't see it comin' after that first time." Bones sighs and rubs his face tiredly again. "I saw you, Kid, I saw you. You may have the whole world fooled with that 'devil-may-care' attitude, but you can't fool me too. I could see right through that cocky smile and 'who cares' attitude. You were crushed.

"And maybe something a little darker than crushed. Determined. You don't know how to leave well enough alone, and every time you failed, I could see something devious working behind those pretty blue eyes."

Jim swallowed around the lump that started to form in her throat. "Awe Bones, I didn't know you thought my eyes were pretty."

Bones whipped around with a glare. "Damn it Jim, don't play with me! Just what about failing is so hard to process? It's apart of life, you win some and you lose some. You pack up and move on, no sense in dwellin' on things you can't change."

Jim frowned and lowered her gaze to the ground. "I can't do it, Bones. Can't leave well enough alone. Can't tell you why, maybe one day, one far day away, I think. But…not today." She lifts the apple in her hand and munches less enthusiastically on it as she avoids his gaze.

Bones crosses his arms and looks at her for a long time. "You ain't got to prove nothin' to nobody," he grumbles. "If you meet an asshole, because there's bound to be one or two of them out there, that makes you think you do, fuck 'em. You're one of a kind, Kid, ain't no use in changin' what doesn't need to be changed in the first place."

Jim turns her head away and smiles. "You're a real sweetheart, you know that Bones? You been holding out on me."

"Whatever."

"You're like the brother I never had," she saddles up beside him and throws an arm over his shoulder. "Who knew you knew what feelings were."

"That's it," Bones snaps, and stalks off. "Last time I try to say anything nice," he mutters.

Jim laughs and runs after him, hopping on his back successfully. "Giddyup!"

"Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a horse!"

"Save a horse, ride a doctor!"

Bones growled, but hauled her up higher and placed her more comfortably as she gripped his shoulders. "If I see anyone I know, I'm dropping you like a log."

"Don't think I'd mind that descent, you know," Jim giggled as she gave his butt a gentle pat. She sighs, "I finally get to ride you and it's not in the position I've always wanted to."

Bones swore colorfully as he turned all different kinds of shades of red. "Why are you so obnoxious?"

"Why are you so against me riding you? Ha! Get it?"

"Charming."

"I know."

Silence.

"Bones?"

"Yeah, Kid?"

"Thanks for being a real southern gentlemen."

888

"You wanted to see me Captain Pike?"

"Yes, please come in, and close the door behind you."

Jim shuffles in, taking note of the stiff looking Vulcan who is standing ramrod straight in front of Pike's desk. He's sporting the black uniform that is typical of the academy's professors. He's staring forward with his hands clasped behind his back, and his face is at an angle where Jim can't see him fully. But she sees the cute pointy ears, and she can't help the small spark of intrigue that passes through her.

She walks up to the desk and glances as subtly as she can out of the corner of her eye at the Vulcan to her right. His eyebrows are slanted and high, and his face is carved in strong and sharp, emotionless curves. He has deeply dark and fathomless eyes, _human _eyes. Jim frowns and tries to put a damper on her libido and focus on why he seemed familiar.

Pike draws her attention before she can explore the thought. "We're just waiting on one more person, and then we'll begin."

Jim feels her mouth sag in confusion. "Sir…what exactly is this about?"

"You'll know soon enough," Pike merely says and smiles sadly. There are two more knocks at his door. "Come in-ah, Admiral Barnett, just the man we were waiting on."

Jim is really confused now.

Admiral Barnett and Pike whisper to each other for a few brief moments before they pull apart and face forward.

"If everyone could please have a seat," Pike said. There is a moment where everyone sits down. "This is Admiral Barnett, he presides over the academy board, and in light of the situation, we felt it best to have this discussion behind closed doors."

Admiral Barnett speaks next. "Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to my council suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to regulation 17.43 of the Starfleet code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin?"

Jim grins darkly. "Is that a pretty way of saying I cheated?"

Admiral Barnett looks less than amused. "We do not tolerate academic immorality Cadet Kirk. I advise you to choose your words carefully."

Jim glances at Pike, but only sees disappointment. "Is this about the Kobayashi Maru."

"So you admit that you cheated?" Admiral Barnett presses.

"I confessed to no such thing. And the simulation is itself is a cheat. Its been programmed to be unbeatable," Jim points out.

"Cadet Kirk, I don't see how the intent of the program is relevant to these proceedings," Admiral Barnett says.

"The fact that its rigged and programmed to be unwinnable has everything to do with this discussion," Jim argues.

The Vulcan to her right finally speaks, "Cadet Kirk, not only have you violated the school rules with little to no regard of them, but you have also failed to understand the principle lesson of the simulation."

"I'm sorry," Jim begins snidely, turning in her chair to face the Vulcan. "I don't see how any of this has to do with you. Captain Pike?" She turned to him with a questioning gaze.

"This is Commander Spock, one of our most distinguished graduates. He has designed and programmed the Kobayashi Maru for the last four years," Pike explains.

Jim curls her hand into a fist. She finally has a face and a name to blame for her failure. "Programmed it, did you…_Commander_."

Spock lifts an eyebrow in response. "I believe Captain Pike has more than efficiently explained."

Vulcan Translation: _You're an idiot if don't understand what Pike just said._

Jim smiles meanly. "Enlighten me then, _Commander_, on what the exact principle nature of the test."

"Certainly you of all people should be aware of this," Spock replied.

"Enlighten me anyway," Jim pressed.

"A captain can not cheat death," Spock explains coolly.

Jim swallows and doesn't miss the way Pike and Admiral Barnett squirm and glance away uncomfortably. "I…I don't see how-"

"Your father was on the command track himself, was he not? Right up until the point when he manned a shuttle and was killed in action. Even though he was not made a Captain, he would have eventually earned the title. Do you still fail to see the similarities?"

"No, I think I understand just fine, thank you," Jim snapped. "You know what? I don't think you like that I beat your little test."

Spock glanced at her briefly before returning his gaze forward again. "I am a Vulcan. 'Like' is not found in our vernacular."

"Of course, how can I be so stupid? I forget sometimes that Vulcan Vernacular is apart of our required reading. Oh, hold on a minute, it's not," Jim says and watches as Spock stiffens.

"Agreed," Spock replies. "Furthermore, you have failed to divine the true purpose of the test."

"So it's not about my father dying in the line of duty or cheating? Okay. I'm sure you'll enlighten me again, I'm listening," Jim says as she crosses her arms and glares down at Pike's name plaque.

Spock's posture is as rigid as ever. Good. Jim is glad that he recognizes the antagonism in her voice. The unemotional elf deserved it. "The purpose is to experience fear…fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear and maintain command of one's self and one's crew. This is a quality expected of every Starfleet captain."

Pike and Admiral Barnett nod in agreement.

Jim wants to roll her eyes. They've been awfully quieted during this whole exchanged. "To experience fear," she echoes. "To experience…to experience…to _experience_. In other words, I'm supposed to feel fear and act accordingly, based off of what's expected of me from my crew."

"Affirmative Cadet Kirk," Spock says.

"How interesting," Jim suddenly grins and glances up at the ceiling. "Never thought I'd live to see the day when a Vulcan schools me on emotions or my lack of. Surely you must have taken the test yourself, Commander."

"Negative. As a Vulcan, I do not experience emotions in the same capacity as a human, therefore have already met the requirements and prerequisites of the test," Spock says evenly, but Jim's no fool, she can hear the arrogance in that monotone voice.

Jim makes a thoughtful sound and taps her chin with her pointer finger. "Well, _Commander_, you've been so keen on reminding me that you're a Vulcan, and have no emotion, but have stated that it is a requirement to _experience _fear in the face of certain death. That it's a quality expected of any Starfleet captain. But you don't feel fear, so what does that say about your ability to make command decisions?"

"I fail to see the logic in your argument," Spock says.

"Oh so you _are _capable of failing something as well. Looks like we might be able to see eye to eye on this after all," Jim replies innocently.

"Enough," Pike says, glancing back and forth between them. "Kirk, we are not going to suspend you or expel you."

Spock looks as though he wants to protest it, and Jim does her best to smother a victorious smirk.

"But, let this be a warning. You try anything so radical again, and you can be sure you'll be packing your bags and catching the next shuttle back home," Admiral Barnett warned. "Now that you've gotten a chance to speak with Commander Spock and understand the purpose of the test, we hope to see a bit more grace and humility when you retake the test."

"Sir?" Jim blinked, suddenly not feeling as elated as before.

"You didn't think it'd be that easy, now did you?" Pike said, smiling in amusement. "You've been chastised, sure, but its time to really understand the importance of refraining from violating the academic code of conduct."

"Er…?" Jim hates being kept in the dark. "Are you giving me detention?"

Pike and Admiral Barnett chuckle ominously.

"Cadet Kirk, we have decided that you will be required to retake the Kobayashi Maru at least twice a week until your graduation. And we expect you'll take failing like a champ," Pike says, eyes crinkling right along with his smile. "Commander Spock will let us know if you do anything otherwise, since he will be personally overseeing your punishment."

"Pass. I'd rather be suspended," Jim confesses. "Let's say a week, two weeks?" That way, when she returns, it wont be too much of a hassle to catch up on all that she's missed.

"Dismissed Cadet," Pike says and Jim knows he's saying that's the end of the discussion.

Jim stands and turns without another word, whipping the door open in her irritation and charging down the hall. This is bullshit.

"Cadet Kirk," a monotone voice calls and even though she doesn't want to, she stops and turns around to face him. Spock stops a few steps before her and says, "I've taken the liberty of setting a schedule, with dates and times which you will find works for both of our schedules. I have forwarded this information to your PADD."

"Great," Jim muttered sarcastically and pulls out her PADD, opens the calendar application and sure enough, there are colored tacks throughout the months, indicating when she was expected to take the test.

Spock nods soundly. "I do not tolerate tardiness Cadet Kirk. I expect that you will be prompt for every session."

Jim grins meanly. "Just try and keep me away," she replies sweetly. "If there's nothing else, Commander…?"

Spock hesitates, which is ridiculous because Jim knows Vulcans do not hesitate. "I admit, to some reluctance, that I am curious as to how you were able to hack into my program and activate a subroutine into the programming code, therefore changing the conditions of the test. I would be willing to hear an explanation so that I may make all necessary precautions in the future."

Vulcan Translation: _You're a human and you're not supposed to be able to best a Vulcan. Explain to me how you were able to, so no other human can pull one over me again._

Jim frowned. "You want to know how I was able to hack you?"

"Affirmative."

Jim stares at him for a long moment, considering that this may be his way of extending an olive branch. But then she remembers all that stuff he said about her father, and she wants nothing to do with him. Spock just stands there patiently, hands tucked behind his back, his posture still neat and perfect.

"Pencils would be envious, I'm sure," Jim mumbles without thinking and then flushes when Spock raises a questioning eyebrow.

"A curious statement," Spock says.

Jim sighs and turns her back to Spock. "How long did it take for you to look up that stuff about my dad?"

"Perhaps about as long as it took for you to install the virus that enabled you to cheat," Spock replies.

Jim's hands fist at her sides, and she hates him without understanding why. It just grows thickly inside of her and urges her to set fire to the olive branch he had tried to extend. "I hope," Jim slowly starts, choosing her next words carefully. "I pray…that you never understand what it's like Spock. No matter how much you fucking enrage me, I hope to God you don't understand what it's like. Cause it really fucking sucks." And she's off like a bullet before he can form a proper response.

His dark eyes burn into her back as she scurries away.

888

The sessions never happen, because two days later, Starfleet receives a distress call from Vulcan. Jim and Bones are in the academy's medical facility, working quickly to relieve Jim of an allergic reaction (who knew she was allergic to beef jerky?) when a cadet bursts in and makes the announcement that all senior cadets are to report to shuttle hangar one immediately. Jim's on her feet in an instant and scuttles away before Bones can protest, which he does as he's right on her heels with his tricorder and med kit.

Jim's listening for her name anxiously as Bones continues to scan her, complaining about how they had to keep her heart rate down or she would die damn it. She smiles around her swollen tongue when she and Bones are assigned to the USS Enterprise. Uhura goes storming past them in the opposite direction, a look of anger and determination on her face. Jim wants to comment, she so feels like only she has the right to make Uhura that agitated, but Bones is pulling her along, jamming a hypospray in her neck and shoving her in their shuttle.

Bones had better be lucky that Jim loves him like a brother because otherwise she would have broken his nose from all the rough treatment.

The swelling has gone away, but suddenly Jim is very nauseous. She alerts Bones of this condition when she simply says, "I might throw up on you." And he curses under his breath scanning her again. She wants to snicker, but she also wants to throw up more. Moments later they're in outer space, flying towards the Enterprise and Jim can't help it. She's intrigued. But it's not until they've boarded that she realizes that she's fucking head over heels for the ship.

Then the moment is ruined when everything goes purple.

"Bones," Jim croaks, "I don't feel right." She's stumbling but Bones reaches out to catch her before she falls. "Is everything supposed to be purple?"

"No…damn it, why do you have to react so severely to everything?" Bones grumps as he fiddles with his PADD.

Jim blinks dreamily. "Dunno. Just fix me so I can be cleared for duty."

"Unbelievable," Bones shakes his head. "You're practically bowed and all you can think about is attending to this ship. You know you're not the captain right"

Jim salutes with a playful grin but then hunches down when a dizzying spell hits her viciously.

"She seems to be suffering from an ailment, Doctor," a voice says from behind them.

Jim stiffens. She'd know that voice anywhere.

"Tell me something I don't know," Bones hisses as he shoves another hypospray into Jim's neck.

"Then seeing as how you are aware of her condition, perhaps you should escort her to medical bay," Spock says and then turns without another word.

Bones scowls, hauls Jim up bridal style and walks in the direction of the medical bay. "Who is that pointy-eared bastard?"

"That's the unemotional elf I mentioned before," Jim groans as the room starts to spin. "The one who said all that crap about my dad…hey am I supposed to feel so drowsy? Did you give me some kind of sedative? Fuck! I told you to fix me so I can be cleared, not make it worse!"

Bones smirks evilly. "Should kick in any minute now."

"You're the devil I swea-" and then Jim's out like a light.

888

"...what appeared to be a lightning storm in space-"

The fog on her brain slowly starts to clear.

"-their planet was experiencing seismic activity. We then lost contact with Vulcan entir-"

She tries to process the words, tries to remember where she is. There is blood rushing through her ears and all she can hear is the slow thump of her heart beat.

"-to assess the condition of Vulcan and assist in evacuations-"

The voice overhead is tinged with a harsh Russian accent. Jim finally blinks up at the ceiling as consciousness completely returns to her.

"-arriving at Vulcan within two minutes. Thank you for your time."

Jim's eyes widen.

"Fucking lightening storms!" she yells, drawing everyone's attention as they stare at her startled.

Bones doesn't even flinch as he wanders over. "Oh good, you're up. How are you fee-_good God Jim_!"

"What?" Jim says in confusion. She looks at Bones, who is staring at her hands and she glances down, letting out an undignified yelp. "Fuck!" She holds up her horrendously swollen hands. "Bones, what the hell is _this_?"

"Damn it Jim, you react too violently, hold still," he jams another hypospray into her neck as she flinches and hisses at him.

"Wait, what was that announcement?" She hops down from the bed and sprints towards the nearest video monitor. Going through the recaps quickly, she's able to find what she's looking for. She turns to Bones as he goes on scanning her and slaps her big hands on the side of his face. "We got to stop this ship!" And then she's off.

"What? Jim!" Bones chases after her. "We have to keep your heart rate down. I haven't seen a reaction this severe since medical school."

"No time, we gotta find Uhura, she's gotta be on this ship. God I hope she is. She's the only one that can back me up on this," Jim runs down the corridor and stops at another video monitor. "Computer, locate Nyota Uhura."

The computer replies, "_Lieutenant Uhura is at signals monitoring station twelve, deck four_."

"Jim, what's the rush?" Bones growls as their flying down the corridor once more.

"What's the rush?" Jim pants. "Oh no rush, we're just flying into a trap is all." Jim's never been more relieved to spot Uhura. "Nyota!"

Uhura looks up and glares. "Kirk," she stands as they approach her. "Kirk what are you even doing here? God, can I just go one day without you here to ruin things? You didn't hack yourself on this ship did you?"

"Never mind that. Uhura, I need you to think back-"

"Oh my God what happened to your hands?"

"-the transmission that you heard from the Klingon prison planet-"

"Hold still, Jim."

"Ow! Knock it off Bones! Uhura, that transmission you heard, the stolen ship, was it Womuwan?"

Uhura face scrunches in confusion. "What?"

"Wamoowhen!" Jim tries again and then turns to Bones. "Whass happoonin two mah tuhnge?"

"You got numb tongue?" Bones says and rustles around in his med kit.

"Num tunghe? Wha da fuck Bowls!" she snaps. "Ow! I'll kill you!" she hisses when he stabs her with another hypospray.

"Kirk what the hell is going on?" Uhura huffs impatiently.

"Was the ship Romulan?" Jim asks and Uhura frowns but nods in conformation. "I knew it!" Jim's speeding off again with Bones and Uhura on her trail.

The three of them find themselves on the bridge where everyone looks up at them in surprise.

"Cadet Kirk, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Pike says as he stands and stares at her with confused amusement.

Jim replies, "Captain Pike, we're flying into a trap."

"Excuse me?" Pike says.

"Vulcan isn't experiencing an anomaly," Jim's gaze is suddenly drawn to Spock, who is staring at her quite intently from his station. "It's being attacked."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

Explanations, Jim found, were not so easily managed when everyone assumed you were a raving lunatic. Jim could see the doubt in Pike's eyes, as well as Spock's. And that was fine. She didn't care too much about Spock's opinion of her. She wasn't cruel though, and she wasn't going to turn her back on an entire planet of _his _race just because of a little grudge. But Jim was prepared for a fight from the all too logical Vulcan. His favorite pastime seems to be the enjoyment of proving her wrong.

She knows he will protest the most…

"What you are suggesting is that we stop the ship trans-warp in the middle of a rescue mission because of a poorly drawn assumption."

…_and_ she's right.

"Lucky for me, _Commander_," and she's vowed to never say his name because he didn't deserve the courtesy. "I can manage poor just fine," Jim responds gracefully without sparing a glance in his direction. She doesn't have to look his way to know that he is steadily drawing closer to her and Pike, like he wants to be a physical wall between them.

"I am inclined to protest, seeing as how my experience of your management of poor has left much to be desired," Spock stands at parade rest between her in Pike at a distance that would make him the pointed top in their three-person triangle.

Jim's leg twitches with the urge to powerhouse kick Spock right in his logical head. Boy, would that just make her day. "Look, _Commander_, I understand how much you love to prove me wrong and make a spectacle of me in the process-"

Spock interjects. "On the contrary, I am merely pointing out the errors in your-"

"You know, it must really dig at you that you were bested by some illogical human girl," Jim snaps, cheeks burning with anger.

Spock doesn't even twitch. He merely turns more toward Pike, like Jim isn't worth any of his time. "Captain, the cadet is still suffering from ailment. It is evident that the ramifications of her sickness are causing uninhibited delusions and irrational claims. I would be willing to properly remove and escort her back to medical bay."

Vulcan Translation: _We are wasting our time on her when clearly she's suffering from delusions. If you let me, I'll have her out of our hair faster than humans blink._

"Try it, Commander! This cadet is trying to save everyone!" Jim warns, pausing to blow the blonde bangs out of her blue eyes. And really how dare he? Ungrateful, egotistical, stubborn Vulcan!

"Enough," Pike eyes both of them sternly. "Kirk, what makes you so sure of this?" Pike says, because he is willing, always willing to hear Jim out, and she is extremely grateful for that fact.

Jim straightens. "Sir, the announcement. It was said that the Vulcan High Council detected an anomaly, much like a lightening storm. There's also unusual seismic activity. Strong activity that would cause us to lose communication with them in the middle of a transmission. You can not tell me that doesn't sound familiar?"

Pike looks at her quietly and Jim sees that he's putting it all together.

Uhura steps up beside Jim and says, "Sir, what Kirk says is true. I intercepted and interpreted a message from a Klingon prison planet. A ship was stolen. A Romulan mining vessel, the same kind described over twenty years ago when Earth was being attacked."

"After my dad was able to drive them away, they were never seen nor heard from again. You know this sir, I took the liberty of reading your dissertation," Jim adds. "I believe…I believe what they were trying to do to us, whatever that may have been, they are attempting with Vulcan. We have to brace ourselves, there are Romulans waiting for us, I promise you this."

Pike's eyebrows lift incredulously in surprise, glancing back and forth between Uhura and Jim before his wandering gaze landed on Spock. "Commander?"

Spock was thoughtfully silent for a moment. "The cadet's logic is sound," he says as his eyes skim over Jim. Then his gaze jumps to Uhura. "And Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in Xenolinguistics. We would be wise in accepting her input as well."

Pike nods. "Very well, all shields up, ready all weapons and I want a full scan on Vulcan space. See if there are any Romulan transmissions."

The communications officer frowns and squints over his console. "Captain I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan."

"That certainly won't help," Pike sighs and then eyes Uhura. "What about you? Are you familiar with Romulan?"

"Yes, sir. All three dialects," Uhura says.

Pike smiles. "Relieve the lieutenant then. Hannity, I want you to hail the USS Truman."

"I apologize sir, but the other ships are already out of warp and already at Vulcan…but…we seem to have lost contact…" Hannity reports.

Uhura chimes, "Captain, I pick up no Romulan transmissions, or transmissions of any kind in the area. Something seems to be jamming the communication signals all around Vulcan."

"That's because they're being attacked," Jim explains.

Pike nods solemnly. "Sulu?"

"Arrival at Vulcan in five seconds Captain!" Sulu responds.

Pike strides over to the captain's chair and seats himself.

Jim fidgets and waits for what she knows is coming, and still, when they drop out of warp, she is devastated. All the ships are cruelly scattered and broken apart like medal confetti. It is a horrifying sight to witness, and Jim barely has time to get a grip on her balance when Pike barks out evasive maneuvers. Luckily Bones is there to catch her around the waist, even if he is stumbling around himself.

"Thanks," Jim breathes and Bones grunt as they rock again. "You've been so quiet, I forgot you were even here." She pats the hands he has on her hips and smiles at him.

"Careful, Jim. Don't need you crackin' open that lovely skull of yours," Bones grumps.

Their shields are being lowered in dangerous amounts. Everyone is scrambling to do his or her part. Pike orders a call to Starfleet command, but its just as Jim feared. The ship has lowered a high pulse energy device that's jamming all the signals within radiance. Nothing can be sent and nothing can be received. And Jim immediately knows. They've managed to either replicate the drill, or completely fix it.

"Captain, we're being hailed!" Uhura alerts.

Suddenly the view screen is full of an unruffled Romulan male.

Pike leans forward. "This is Captain Christopher Pike of the USS Enterprise, to whom am I speaking?"

"Greetings, Christopher. I am Nero," he replies smoothly. Then his gaze is drawn to Jim, and she feels her breath hitch, and anger…sudden fury fills her whole being. This is the man responsible for her father's untimely death. She stares at him as he regards her thoughtfully, and the smirk is barely noticeable but it's there, and it feels like he can see her thoughts, see her anger.

Pike says, "You've declared war against the federation. Withdraw and-"

"Not at all Christopher," Nero interjects without looking away from Jim. There's a gleam in his eyes that turns predatory. "I merely meant to draw your attention," and it's as if he's saying this to Jim.

"If this is the way Romulan Leadership tries to-"

Again Nero interrupts, "Do not be mistaken. I am not with the Empire. We stand apart." The smirk grows a fraction as he observes Jim. "I had a feeling you would come. I've heard the stories of your exploits, and how great of lengths you would go to for your Vulcan counterpart," he flicks his eyes over Spock. "You've always been James's weakness haven't you…_Spock_?"

"Pardon me, but I do not believe we are acquainted," Spock says as rises from his station and stands at attention.

"No we are not. Not yet," Nero replies.

Jim can't stay silent. "How do you know me?"

Nero seems a bit pleased to hear her speak. "Your face is in Earth's history. And it doesn't help that your father ruined my plans prematurely. How could I forget that?" he says and pauses thoughtfully. "Seems like no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get rid of either of you. You're not even supposed to be standing here, I tried to make sure of that, but I suppose my arrival to Earth was in all bad timing."

Jim stiffens as the gravity of his words hit her like a truck. The attack on earth…had been solely for her sake? "You wanted to be sure I was never born…" she whispers.

Nero looks positively gleeful. "They really have not done your intelligence justice, James. Nor had they mentioned that you were female. Nevertheless," he sighs and turns his attention to Spock. "Spock, there's something I want you to see." He looks as though he's about to leave, but he spares Jim one last glance. "That is, unless your willing to negotiate, Christopher."

"And what exactly does this negotiation entail?" Pike questions, standing and stepping down from the captain's chair.

Nero observes the whole bridge before his gaze lands on Jim once more.

Bones is at her side in a minute, scowling very heavily at Nero.

"I would be willing to allow Vulcan to stand," Nero offers. "That is, if you give me James in return."

Pike frowns. "I couldn't possibly-"

"I'll give you twelve minutes to decide. By the end of those twelve minutes, if you are smart, you will allow James to man a shuttle and come aboard my ship," Nero instructs before he observes Spock. "I think it would be in your best interest Spock to persuade your Captain to give James to me. I guarantee a most gracious and peaceful exit." Nero ends with, "Twelve minutes. This is my final offer, Christopher."

The view screen goes blank and once more they are gazing at battered pieces of ships, floating around Vulcan space, and the dusty red planet itself.

The bridge is deathly silent. Jim can't look up, can't meet everyone's eyes. The fate of an entire planet rests on her shoulders. There is no question about what she should do. Jim exhales shakily, throws back her shoulders and slap on the cockiest grin she can muster.

She turns to Pike, opens her mouth, but suddenly Bones is in her line of vision, and he is absolutely livid. "_Don't. You. Dare_!" he hisses.

Jim feels her grin falter and she takes a step back in guilt. "Bones, come on. You heard what he said."

Bones scowls. "My hearings just fine. How's yours? Because there is no goddamn way I'm gonna let you just-"

"Then what _should_ we do! Commander, you may never agree with me on anything but…I mean…this is your planet we're talking about. What's one illogical human to a whole entire race?" Jim argued as she looked at him.

Spock's eyebrows furrows in deep thought, and for once, he seems at a loss for what to say. Then he does, "I am convinced that with or without you, he will still see Vulcan harm. The likelihood of this is in the 88th percentile. The sacrifice on your part would just be illogical."

"I wouldn't allow it either," Pike adds. "Which means we need a new alternative in light of this very dire situation."

"Keptin, if I may. I may have solution!"

They all turned to the youngest looking Starfleet officer on the bridge.

"Sure. What's your name? Cheertaw, Cheekaw?" Pike asks.

"Ensign Chekov!" Chekov pipes happily and stands. "I have determined that the cause of communicational disturbance is drill. If drill is destroyed, we have point of access with transporters and can reestablish communication with Vulcan, continuing emergency evacuation. But this cannot be so as long as drill is active."

Pike nods. "Alright, that's just what we'll do. Anyone here have training in hand to hand combat?"

Sulu lifts his hand. "I have training, sir."

Pike says, "Come with me. Kirk, Spock, you too. Chekov, you have the conn. Radio the engine room and have Chief Engineer Olson meet us at shuttle bay five."

"Aye, Keptin."

"Everyone else, just assume your positions until instructed otherwise," Pike directs and begins walking towards the bridge doors. They all stride quickly through the corridors in the direction of the shuttle bay. "Now I don't know what he wants or what any of that has to do with you," he says to Jim. "Is he someone familiar to you?"

Jim frowns and matches him step for step. "You mean besides the fact that I know he's responsible for my father's death? No, haven't got a clue."

"But it was strange wasn't it?" Sulu says. "All the stuff he said, like…like he knew what you and Commander Spock would become."

"We'll focus on the complexities later, right now, our mission is to disable that drill until whatever has it scrambling our gear withdraws. Without transporters we can't assist Vulcan, can't do our job," Pike says just as Olsen joins their little group. "Engineer Olsen will fly the shuttle that will allow us to space-jump and land on the drill that they've lowered." Pike turns to Spock. "We'll need to follow the chain of command, so I'm leaving you in charge Spock."

"Captain?" Spock looks as bewildered as a Vulcan can.

"I'm not the Captain anymore Spock, you are," Pike says firmly.

"You're coming with us?" Jim says, and she's a little surprised when Pike nods. "That might either be the bravest thing I've seen you done, or the stupidest."

Pike lifts an eyebrow. "Is that the way you show gratitude to your captain?"

Jim grins mischievously. "But you're not the captain anymore, I thought. You're more like a first officer now."

Pike goes thoughtfully silent. "Which reminds me, Kirk. I'm assigning you first officer."

Jim balks. "You're joking."

Pike shrugs with a small smile. "No harm in it. You two seemed to make the best team. You never know what might happen. And if all goes well, you wont have to think a second on assuming that role."

Spock lifts a questioning eyebrow. "Sir, I apologize, but the complexities of human pranks escape me."

"It's not a prank Spock, and be careful with the ship, she's brand new," Pike says just before he strides off. Sulu and Olsen follow.

Jim is about to go as well, but before she does, she can't help but to comment, "Don't look so disappointed Spock."

Some odd expression crosses his face before he's completely blank again. His posture goes rigid once more. "Vulcans do not experience disappointment," Spock corrects.

Jim rolls her eyes and says, "Of course they don't. Like he said, if all goes well, you wont have to even contemplate the horror that is me serving as your first." She moves to join Pike and the others before Spock can get another word in edgewise.

888

It does not, in fact, go well at all.

Not even moments after they've been launched towards the drill, a torpedo wipes out the shuttle and Olsen is gone just like that. Sulu, who is holding the chargers, losses his grip on them in a moment of panic. The explosion from the shuttle propels Pike, Sulu and Jim forward faster than what was anticipated. It is by sheer luck that they all manage to pull their chutes at the appropriate time. A minor success that's quickly overtaken as soon as they land and find themselves surrounded by a group of Romulans, who have climbed out of the hatches on the drill.

Jim has never been gladder for her skills in kickboxing. Legs come in handy more than hand to hand does when dealing with aliens who have twice your strength. Legs don't break like hands do as soon as they come in contact with a rock hard jaw and they do more damage to your enemy. She's learned that the hard way a long time ago, and hasn't let herself be caught unaware and defenseless since. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Pike handling his own, while Sulu, who said he had training in combat, actually meant fencing.

When the last Romulan is defeated and thrown over the edge of the drill, they scramble to think of a way to destroy it, now that they've lost the chargers. Luckily, Jim thinks quickly on her feet and she grabs one of the Romulan's phasers and just shoots. Sulu and Pike follow suit, and just as they're met with success, the drill shifts and begins to retract. Sulu loses his balance and falls over the edge. Without even giving it a thought, Jim is over the edge after him, leaving Pike behind on the still retracting drill.

Jim thinks back to all those books she's read on skydiving and keep herself as straight as possible so that she can gain momentum and catch up to Sulu. Jim is screaming to Enterprise to be beamed up as soon as her body slams into Sulu's, sending them spinning wildly through the air. Something red and silver whiz past them, and Jim has no time to think on it as the red rocks and sand of Vulcan steadily approaches them. Jim is yelling into her helmet more frantically now.

The white light that follows and surrounds them a second later comes like a breath of relief, which is quickly knocked out of them as they make cruel contact with the transporter pad. Chekov jumps up excitedly and shouts something in Russian. Jim kinda wants to marry the kid in that moment, but first, she yanks off her helmet and brushes back her sweat-drenched bangs from her eyes.

"Thanks. Thanks so fucking much, Kirk," Sulu pants as he groans and allows himself to collapse in relief.

Jim finds the energy for a small grin, as she gasps, "No problem." She looks up in time to see Spock make his way onto the transporter pad as he puts his phaser into his holster.

"Step aside," Spock merely says.

Jim frowns as she stumbles to her feet and backs off. "What are you doing? You…your not seriously going down there are you?"

Spock gives no reply as he waits patiently for Sulu to move.

"Are you nuts? You can't go down there!" Jim says.

Spock just hunches down and coldly says, "Energize." He's gone in a second.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Jim snaps as she throws her helmet down.

"He is going to get family," Chekov explains as he continues to move his hands over the transporter console.

Jim's anger is immediately distinguished. That, in itself, is kind of annoying. "Couldn't he have just beamed them out?"

"Nyet," Chekov says. "Keptin says they are in Katrik Arc and that he must get them himself."

"Why? What's going on?" Jim is still so confused.

Chekov looks grave. "Planet-wide evacuation. Nero launched pod that creates a singularity that will…consume the planet." Bright light fills the room and suddenly there are more Vulcans on the ship than anyone knows what to do with.

Jim pales. A black hole. She'd only thought that maybe they were experiencing rough earthquakes. "How…how long do they have?"

"Minutes. Just minutes." Chekov goes on assisting with the evacuation as Jim saddles up beside him.

Then it hits her, "Pike!" She looks around. "What happened to Captain Pike?"

"He is in hands of Nero," Chekov says and seeing Jim's face, he quickly adds, "Is possible that he is alive. But…we lost communication."

Jim tugs at the end of her ponytail and chews on her bottom lip, unsure what to think or do about that. She finally just shakes her head and sighs. "We can figure that out later, I guess," Jim says quietly.

"_Spock to Enterprise: take us back now._"

Chekov nods and moves quickly. "Locking…transport in three…two…" Chekov tenses suddenly and his movements go frantic. "No! I'm losing her, I'm losing her! No…I lost her…"

Jim squints against the light as she watches five more figures appear, when there should have been six. And then its like falling in mid-air again, because the look of horror that Spock has on his face as he reaches out to the empty space in front of him, knocks the wind from Jim's lungs. Spock stands that way, as though willing his mother back, for what seems like an eternity, until Jim has to turn away and leave the room.

She can't bear it. It's too much.

Spock had looked too…human.

888

It haunts her. Those eyes. Those dark and defeated, devastated eyes. They _haunt_ her. The very thought that she could be the reason for all this destruction haunted her. She'd told them. She said she would go, said she'd agree to Nero's demands. God, now Pike was MIA, Vulcan was no more and Spock had just lost his mother. And it was all her fault, all her fault.

"You okay, Kid?" Bones says as he tends to her sprained wrist. The very one she hadn't even been aware was sprained because she'd been too busy thinking about those eyes.

Jim nods numbly.

Bones sighs. "No you're not," he says matter-of-factly.

"Then why ask?" Jim grumbles.

"Because contrary to what you may think or how I may behave, I care about you," Bones grouches.

Jim is staring determinedly at the ground. "Shouldn't you be more worried about our Vulcan counterparts? You are the new CMO, and you should really-"

"Cut the malarkey Jim!" Bones snaps. "They may be an endangered species, yeah, I get that, I was there, but you are my first priority. Always." Bones tucks his hand under her chin and lifts her head so that he can survey her more intently. The scowl he sports softens, and Jim knows she's been found out. "It's not your fault."

Jim shudders violently and turns her head as her eyes water.

"Jim," Bones whisper softly. "Darlin', no one blames you for what happened."

She whispers, "I…I heard that out of the six billion inhabitants of Vulcan…only ten thousand survived." Jim shudders again, bites her tongue and slams a door on the despair that wants to leak out. She exhales sharply and begins to gather her wits. "Thanks for patching me up Bones. I gotta go."

"Jim," Bones starts to protests. "You can't just expect me to let you go…"

Jim shakes her head, hops down off the biobed and strides towards the door. Her head stays down and her shoulders are hunched in defeat.

She is so fucking lost. She thinks, _I didn't do enough, I should have done more. God. I should have done more. I could have done more._

It's Tarsus IV all over again.

888

Jim wanders around the ship for a while after she's able to find some suitable quarters to freshen up in. She wanders until she ultimately winds up on the bridge again. Spock is nowhere to be found, but Uhura, Chekov and Sulu are there, working silently at their stations. Jim moves forward without another word and takes a seat in the captain's chair. She props her head against her hand and stares blankly at the view screen, ignoring the curious and worried glances that are tossed her way. She knows what she looks like. Even if she looks neat and tiny, and there's not a blonde hair out of place in her ponytail, she knows she still looks worn down to the ground. Bones makes an appearance and refuses to leave her side, so Jim doesn't try to push him out, but she's not ready to talk about anything. Bones is patient if not stubborn.

Spock finally enters sometime later. His eyes are somewhat glassy and hollow. He turns towards Uhura and says, "Lieutenant have you confirmed that Nero is headed towards Earth?"

Uhura nods. "Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain," she replies softly.

_Those two are so fucking._

Jim snorts and Uhura immediately lands her with a glare. "Could you be more obvious, _Nyota_?" she mutters and turns the chair away to escape those brown eyes that are trying to set her on fire. "Earth may be his next stop, but we have to assume he'll only want to use that as leverage. He wants something. And he's going to destroy every federation planet if that's what it takes to get it. Vulcan was just the first step. Earth's just gonna be his way of saying how serious he is about this."

Sulu frowns and says, "But what's he after exactly? And why didn't he just blast us to dust? We obviously aren't a threat to him then."

"Nero said that he wanted me to see something," Spock points out as he moves more fully on the bridge towards Sulu. "Out of the chair," he says as he passes Jim, like he's chastising some little kid. Jim scowls but does as she's told. "He wanted me to bare witness to the destruction of my home planet."

Bones decides to chime in, "And just how the hell was he able to do that exactly? Since when are the Romulans so far ahead of us on the scientific front? Why would he want to anyway?"

Jim frowns. "Let's just all stop playing dumb," she says as she crosses her arms. "I'm what he asked for, and I'm what he didn't get. I just don't know why he wants me. Or how he was able to wipe out Vulcan."

Spock stiffens slightly, the wound still fresh. "The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest the answer: such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space time."

"Damn it man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist! Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?" Bones gripes.

"Explains why he acted so familiar with Kirk and Spock when he first popped up," Sulu points out.

"I don't buy it," Bones says as he crosses his arms.

Jim rolls her eyes and bumps her shoulder with his. "If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," she quotes. She notices everyone is staring at her in disbelief. "What? I know a thing or two about Sherlock Holmes."

Spock raises a brow. "Indeed."

"How poetic," Bones grumbles.

"So what would an angry future Romulan want with Kirk?" Sulu questions.

Jim frowns and wonders herself. "Captain Pike would be of more use to him than I would be. As admiral, he does know the details of Starfleet's defenses," she points out. "Which is why we need to hunt them down and get him back. I'm sure by this point he's figured that out. We have to take out that ship, or at least disable it and take it over."

Spock says, "A rescue attempt would be illogical."

"Of course it would be, especially since the suggestion came out of my pretty little mouth," Jim sneers and glares at Spock who matches her stare for stare.

Chekov adds, "And it would be impossible since technically Nero would have to drop out of warp for us to overtake him. We are technologically outmatched."

"Then let's assign engineers to boost our warp system," Jim offers.

"The logical course of action would be to gather with the rest of Starfleet to balance the next terms of engagement," Spock continues.

Jim huffs and crosses her arms. "By the time we've '_gathered_' it'll probably be too late. God, why don't we just press the self-destruct button right now and save him the trouble of sharp-shooting us when he lines all of Starfleet up and wipes them out one by one!" She goes on to say, "And how do we even know that he doesn't already know our next plans of action? We could be driving ourselves into yet _another _trap."

Spock coolly regards her. "You're assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold, when on the contrary, his very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack against Earth, continuing with the events of today. He has therefore created a new chain of events that can not be anticipated by either party."

Jim purses her lips angrily and says nothing. Why was he so good at putting her down?

Bones breaks the silence, "Does anyone have a Vulcan translator? What the hell did he mean?"

"An alternate reality," Jim mutters and turns away from Spock to face Bones fully.

Spock nods in satisfaction. "Precisely," and he walks to the captain's chair and takes a seat. "Whatever lives we might have led, if disrupted by the time continuum, have ultimately changed our destinies." Spock looks to Sulu and says, "Plot a course for the Laurentian system, Warp Factor Three-"

"Don't do that!" Jim snaps, unable to control her anger. "Plotting that course is a total waste of time. And you may be right about the alternate reality but your completely naive if you really think Nero doesn't know a thing about the events that could possibly take place. You're acting captain now-"

"I am aware of my responsibilities Ms. Kirk-"

"-and so every second wasted is the chance for Nero to get closer and closer to his target-"

"-and as acting captain, I am instructing you to accept that I alone am in command-"

"We are going backwards and you are no use to us being illogical," Jim shouts.

Spock's on his feet in a second, staring down at Jim with a burning hatred that causes her to almost flinch. "Security. Escort her to the brig."

Jim clenches her jaw tightly as two red shirts grab her and pull her away. "Fuck this," she hisses and starts to struggle. She would not be treated like some maniacal stowaway, or crazed-criminal. She was the first officer damn it and Spock was supposed to respect her input. Not carelessly discard every suggestion. He was being completely petty, so she'd give him a dose of his own medicine.

She wiggles and squirms until she can get and arm free, then drops the guard to her left with a powerful right hook and elbows the other in the stomach. Someone gasps and she can hear Bones swearing colorfully. He might try to step in and help her, but Jim doesn't want to get him in trouble as well. She's almost free when a pair of hot fingers grip the side of her neck firmly.

Her eyes roll to the back of her head and the world goes blissfully dark and quiet.

888

Jim's blue eyes flutter open and she frowns instantly. There is a blinking screen to her left calling for her attention. It takes her a moment, once the haze has passed, to realize that she's in a one-man pod craft. She sits up with a soft groan and rubs at her blurry eyes.

"Computer…where am I?" She begins probing her throbbing wrist. She sits up and rubs at the glass as the computer answers.

"_Current location Delta Vega: Class "M" Planet, unsafe. You have been ordered to remain in your pod until retrieved by Starfleet authorities._"

Jim snorts. "Yeah, how about fuck that," she responds. It takes a few tries but she manages to get the door open and finds herself shivering with ice walls surrounding her at all sides. "What the hell…" Jim quickly turns and searches the pod for some appropriate clothing. Luckily, she's able to find some, and hauls her ass out of there soon after. When she reaches the top of the hole and sees that the there is nothing on either side but more ice, icebergs and snow, she is fuming. "What the _fuck_!" she shouts, punching a fist through the air at nothing in particular. "There's nothing _here_ you goddamn _motherfucking, neck-pinching, stubborn, unreasonable, pointy-eared elf_!" she hollers, waving her arms wildly as she does so.

The hissing wind is her only reply.

Jim sags into herself with a sigh and begins walking. She doesn't know where she's going but it's better than just waiting around for someone who wasn't going to come.

"I am so bringing you up on charges for this…stupid robot…what the hell am I going to do now? No one here, nowhere to go. You've probably gone and killed us all. _Why _can't you just listen for once? _Once!_ Is that so hard? '_No of course I can't listen to you, I am a Vulcan and I suck balls, and kiss my own ass because all you humans are unworthy._' Well fuck you, _Commander_. You can just go tongue-fuck a STD-infested _WHORE!_"

She's been raving for the past hour, and she's far from done. She doesn't care how crazy it makes her look, yelling and cursing Spock when he's not even there. When no one is even there. She deserves this moment, and she is so going chew him out if he isn't already dead.

And that thought upsets her more. He wouldn't dare die on her before she's had a chance to make him bleed.

She's about to start up another rant when she hears a distinct growl behind her and _holy fuck _what is that thing? And okay, yeah maybe its time to run. And she is running for her life now and _holy **fuck**_ what the hell just came out of the ground? Yeah, she's totally gonna high-tail it out of there. And she's running as fast as she can, okay, more like falling and rolling down an iced-out hill, and shit, that thing is coming down too. Jim scrambles and slips to her feet, fleeing for the cave she sees up ahead, and she's almost there, almost safe, _almost _but then the ugly red beast has its nasty long purple tongue around her ankles. And she's being pulled towards of a blender of teeth and certain death when out of nowhere comes this guy with a torch, scaring the creature.

Jim's just going try and breathe now, cause that was a freaky experience, and then the man turns and he's staring at her in surprise, and is he _Vulcan?_

"James T. Kirk," he says.

Jim blinked. What the fuck is up with strangers knowing her name? Maybe she should ask him. "How do you know my name?"

"How did you find me?" is his response.

Jim has to blink again, because, okay…what? "Who _are _you?" And then Jim finds herself on the other end of the most intense and concentrated stare. That gaze is so dark and warm; it makes her heart thrum in curiosity, which, um, that's something new. They twinkle with amusement and seem to see beyond her and why did those eyes seem familiar?

"I have been, and always shall be, yours," he answers softly.

Jim inches away, despite the fact that something in her disagrees and wants the opposite. What the hell? Stupid libido; it was really no respecter of persons. "I'm pretty sure we don't know each other."

"I am Spock."

Jim stares. Then stares. And then stares some more. "What?"

Then he starts spouting off random facts that he knows about her and her life, and yeah, they're all true, and it's freaky, why wouldn't it be? And okay, she kind of believes him. Then he says something that makes him lose all his credibility.

So, right back to square one.

"Alternate _universe?_" Jim says skeptically. "Reality, I can believe, but _universes? _With the same me, only not me, but is me?"

"Indeed."

Jim blinked. Twice. _Hard. _Because apparently, that was what it took to properly digest such outlandish (impossible) information. Alternate universes? Those were things you read about, not experienced right down to the day of your conception. This was insanity. Or, as Bones would say, 'Goddamn _hog_ wash!' But Spock...hell, what would you call him? Older Spock? Time-Traveling Spock? Prime Spock? Older-Time-Traveling-Prime Spock? Maybe just Prime. He did look to be in the prime of old age. Somewhat worn down, a little weathered. Like he'd seen it all, lived it all. And it couldn't be helped that there _was _something familiar about him. But what? _What_? God, this...this..._Prime Spock, _would have it be believed that there were many other Kirks out there, in other universes, who not only Captained the USS Enterprise, gloriously, infamously, but were also _male_? _Consistently_?

Jim felt her bottom lip tremble with disbelief as she opened her mouth and spat, "Bullshit. There's just no way." Only she totally didn't; and instead, what really came out was, "What the _fuck_? Why am I the only one in this universe without a _dick_?"

"A brash statement, but nonetheless true," Prime Spock responds smoothly with a lifted brow.

Jim gapes. "Did you just _agree _with me?" God there is no way that could be...that this could be real. Her heart couldn't take any more surprises. Being marooned on an iced-out planet was enough as it is.

Prime Spock's dark and steady gaze hints at some small amount of amusement as he says, "Out of the countless and infinite possibilities that surely awaited me on the other side of the black hole, it is pleasing to see that, gender aside, you are still as fascinatingly complex as always."

Vulcan Translation: _Even as a girl, you continue to be ridiculous. But I enjoy that about you. Its reassures me when everything else cannot._

Jim flushes. She can't help it. He just gave her the Vulcan equivalent of a compliment. Geez, why couldn't young Spock be that nice?

She looks away and chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully with a frown. Damn her innate ability to read between the (Vulcan) lines. At least this Spock seems to be fond of her in some small way.

She sighs. Now what to do with that, she has no clue. Starfleet hadn't exactly prepared her for..._this_. She's ready to dismiss everything he's said

but then he suggests something called a mind-meld, and yes, Jim is a sucker for her own curiosity. So when he presses warm fingers to her face, she doesn't protest and he says, "Our minds together. My mind to your mind…"

_My thoughts to your thoughts._

And then there's this sudden heavy feeling of _PUSH _and she can feel him, so deeply, in her mind, in her heart, in her soul. He's so warm, so warm, and he's slipping through her mind like lukewarm water, filling her skull with lovely pressure and she grabs at, if it's even possible at all to grab with your mind, but she does and is and she can feel his joy, his encouragement and he allows himself to be pulled in. He's spilling over into her entire being, filling all those broken and vulnerable cracks, just pouring in like the beauty and warmth of sunlight. Oh…_oh_…it's glorious…so glorious…too much even…but so wonderful…

_T_'_hy'la. How I have longed for thee. You are safe here._

The thought comes like a caress and she shies away when she realizes how needy she's acting. In the vast space of her mind she can hear a chuckle and another gentle caress, again it's just so warm and deep, deeper than she's ever known could be possible. She can feel herself clinging to him before she can help it, grabbing hold of that presence as it opens her up and finds all the places she tries to hide, and no, _no. _No one is supposed to do that. She holds him still, makes sure he doesn't move around, keeping him immobile as she decides whether or not she wants to pull him in further or push him out completely. But there's another caress and she shudders, barely catching the images he projects as he launches into a full explanation of Nero. She starts to understand, starts to get what Nero's goals are.

Then she sees Vulcan again through his eyes, and then pain, so much pain. Like a reflex, she feels herself reach out to him, caressing him in the same way that he'd done to her, and suddenly there's a connection, a glorious white thread that unites between their minds, and she can vaguely hear herself gasp because now their pains have combined, becoming one big heartache, one big mutual feeling of _hurt, despair, loss_. It fills her up to the brim and she can't breathe, can't _breathe._ She can only feel, him, her, together, _unified, at one, always and forever. _When it becomes too much, she wrenches back and shoves him out as she physically collapses to her knees, coughs and wheezes because there isn't enough air, there's not enough relief. There is only _emotion_.

She's trying to gather her wits but it's too late, the floodgates have been opened and she's sobbing. Her whole body is convulsing with it and warm hands are hauling her up, gathering her and cradling her to a firm body.

It might have been years later when she finally stops crying, Jim isn't sure, but Prime Spock is there the whole time, holding her to him as though he doesn't plan to let her go. She's embarrassed now, burning a dark red from the tips of her ears all the way down to her toes. She doesn't even want to think about what kind of a spectacle she made of herself. Prime Spock doesn't even seem to mind at all. He just hands her a handkerchief and gets to work with starting a fire as she makes herself presentable, like he just knows she needs the space so she can come to terms with what just happened.

And maybe he does. His mental presence hinted at that knowledge.

_He does feel._

"What does it mean?" Jim says, breaking the silence as Prime Spock prods at the fire. After a few more pokes he gives her all his attention. Jim blushes and looks away because it just reminds her of things she doesn't want to think about. "T'hy'la. What does it mean?"

Prime Spock sits gracefully across from her on the other side of the fire. "Friend, brother, and lover," he answers.

Jim's cheeks tinge with pink and Prime Spock looks all too pleased with her physical response. "But…I mean…did you have that with your Jim?"

"Indeed," Prime Spock replies. "We were bonded. It is the equivalent of what humans would consider marriage."

Jim fidgets and looks down at her lap. "But you called me that…and…well based off of what you told me, your Jim was a guy. I'm not a guy, so, you couldn't possibly-"

"You believe that my affections for you are centered distinctly on physical and sexual preferences. You could not be further from the truth," Prime Spock says softly. "Though you are different by experiences and gender, your heart, your mind, your soul remains identical. Universes alternating or not, your entire essence, nevertheless, is the same, and that, Jim, is why we will always be _t'hy'la_."

Jim swallows and her eyes shifts to escape his heavy gaze. "Well I hate to break it to you, but my—this Spock, hates my guts I'm sure."

"Curious," Prime Spock merely says. "You are not the captain of the Enterprise."

Jim sighs and stands. "No," she says as she begins to pace. "You are. And you marooned me on this planet."

Prime Spock is thoughtfully silent.

"Is that why Nero wants me so bad? Because he thinks that Spock and I are…_t'hy'la_?" Jim questions, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

"It is a possibility," Prime Spock responds. "He may also be afraid of you."

Jim is the one to lift a questioning eyebrow this time. "Why would that be?"

Prime Spock's lips twitch with an almost smile. "You can be quite dynamic when your determination and competitiveness surfaces."

Jim laughs, completely caught. "I guess you do know a thing or two about James Kirk."

Prime Spock nods once, dark eyes gleaming with amusement.

Then Jim goes solemn. "You know, going back in time, you changed all our lives."

"Yes, but fate so rarely can be dissuaded," Prime Spock says.

Vulcan Translation: _You all have a destiny that can never be changed._

Jim grins slowly. "Well then, if that's the case, destiny should have some type of way to get me off this planet and back on the Enterprise."

Prime Spock's lips twitches again. "There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here."

Jim beams. "Of course there is." Prime Spock turns to lead the way but Jim reaches out and stops him, resting her hand on his forearm. His attention is instantly devoted to her, and Jim fights down an answering shudder of appreciation, focusing on the question that's been pressing at her. "Where you came from…did I know my father?"

"You often spoke of him as your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He proudly lived to see you become captain of the Enterprise," Prime Spock says warmly.

Jim smiles, feeling a little at peace and steps back, gesturing for him to continue leading the way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

Snow and wind presses in on Jim at every side. She can feel her teeth chattering and its so cold that she can barely stand it. Prime Spock reassures her that they are getting close as they trudge up an iced-out hill. They were able to spot the outpost and Jim can't keep from groaning. The distance between has to be at least half a mile away. It's not that she was out of shape or anything, but traipsing through snow and ice isn't exactly her favorite hobby.

"Warmth!" Jim moans in delight as she stumbles in. Prime Spock closes the door behind them, blocking out the cold and Jim notices there's something…or someone jogging towards them from the other end of the corridor. Jim frowns as the oddly small alien creature stops right in front of them. "Er…hello," she greets awkwardly, yanking off her gloves and pulling her hood down.

Prime Spock follows her actions, and says to the alien, "Are you the station chief?"

The odd creature shakes his head in the negative and gestures for them to follow. They're led to a sleeping Starfleet officer. His legs are kicked up on the table, his hat covering his face as he holds some kind of junked space part in one hand while his other hand has a poorly drawn picture of a sandwich with hearts all around it. The odd creature pushes the man's legs off the table and it startles the man into consciousness.

"What the…get on with you!" he bats wildly at the creature. "What did I tell you abou-"

"Fascinating," Prime Spock says. "You are Montgomery Scott."

Scotty sits up. "Yeah that's me? Unless there's someone else here who's equally underappreciated?"

"Me," the creature answers.

"What the…Keenser! Away with you. I can do without your comments," Scotty gripes. Then he turns his attention back to Jim and Prime Spock. "So you're here now are you? Took you long enough, but I'm not about to complain when I could be eating." Scotty makes a zipping gesture over his lips. After two beats he goes on to say, "But I will say this—couldn't you come a wee bit sooner? You've got me here wasting away, surviving on six months of Starfleet protein bars and the promise of a decent meal. I need food, _real _food. This is unacceptable. But you lads are just doing your job I suppose, so I wont say another word about it." Scotty holds up his hands to show he's done. Then, "Six months! You do realize how unacceptable this is. It's clear what's going on here. Punishment, isn't it? Everlasting torture.

"I get into one little debate with my professor about Relativistic Physics as they pertains to subspace travel. Then the man's dog got involved, and well, can't help what happened after that, I do feel real bad about it though. I'm sure it'll reappear sometime or another."

Jim grins. "Ha! I heard about that. Admiral Archer's prized beagle wasn't it?"

Scotty nods furiously. "See! That's what I'm talking about! He seemed to think that the range of transporting say, a roast turkey, was limited to a few hundred miles. So I told the Admiral that I could not only beam the cooked bird from one planet to an adjacent planet in the same system, which is no big deal anyway, but if I were so inclined I could actually do it with a life form! And well, you know what happens after that now don't you? Look, do you have the food or not?"

"Mr. Scott, your trans-warp theory is not only correct, but you have undeniably succeeded in beaming a life form onto a ship that is traveling at warp-speed. You only require the correct field equation to recrystallize dilitium," Prime Spock confirms.

Scotty's eyes bug. "I think I would have heard about such a thing if I did. I've been here for six months like I said, how could I have possibly?"

"The reason that you have not heard about it, is because you have not yet discovered it," Prime Spock explains.

"So are you all from the future then?" Scotty questions.

Jim shrugs her shoulders. "He is, I'm not."

"Brilliant," Scotty says. "Do they still have sandwiches there? I'd be heartbroken if they didn't. No reason to go on living if not."

Jim snorts. "You sure love your sandwiches don't you?"

"Aye, lass. There's not a purer thing," Scotty says seriously.

"Clearly you haven't had enough sex," Jim argues shamelessly.

"Jim," Prime Spock chides gently, and she can't help but to shut her mouth, and smile sheepishly. "Mr. Scott, if you will allow us access to your shuttle, I would be more than willing to show you your equation for achieving trans-warp beaming."

Scotty is on his feet an in instant. "Just tell me where you want to go."

"Enterprise," Jim answers as she brushes her bangs out of her eyes.

Scotty looks heavily interested now as he leads them over to his shuttle. "Had its maiden voyage already, has it? You've done something right then to be assigned to such a well-endowed lady. Wouldn't mind getting my hands on her nacelles, if you pardon my engineering parlance."

Jim desperately wants to make another comment on Scotty's lack of sex life, but swallows it down instead and decides to be good for Prime Spock's sake.

Scotty scurries around; pressing switches to get the shuttle properly animated. "Even if I believe you're from the future, which is still questionable by the way, I still don't see how you can manage slinging aboard that ship. Doing that would be like shooting a bullet at another speeding bullet, whilst riding a horse, backwards and blindfolded, if there is no proper receiving pad." Scotty walks over to watch Prime Spock type in their course and Scotty's equation. "Fancy that. It never occurred to me that space was the thing that was moving," Scotty says, baffled, staring at his own equation.

"It did occur to you," Prime Spock points out.

Scotty stares at it for a moment longer before shaking his head in discouragement. "That's very good and all…until you find yourself about four meters outside the ship."

"Agreed. Which is why I find it best to place you in the aft engineering bay. A large space and no unpredictable airlocks. I calculate no more than a four meter margin of error," Prime Spock reassures.

Jim, who has been silent the whole time, steps onto the transporter pad, waiting for him.

Prime Spock stands, clasping his hands behind him as he faces Jim. "Mr. Scott, if you could accompany Jim, you will find me most appreciative."

Scotty nods, eager at the chance to get off this desolate planet. He pushes Keenser back when he tries to follow, telling him that he couldn't come along.

"Spock…?" Jim frowns in confusion when Prime Spock makes no gesture to join them. "Aren't you coming?"

Prime Spock looks grave. "My destiny lies along a different path."

Jim stares at him silently. "Is that a pretty way of saying no?"

"Under no circumstances can he be made aware of my existence. This is one rule you must not break. You must promise me this," Prime Spock says sternly.

Jim is disheartened and her face falls with the emotion. "Just how am I going to convince you—the other you—that I'm following your own orders by being there? Let's not forget that it was you that marooned me here in the first place."

"Do not act coy, Jim. It is more than likely you have provoked me to such an action," Prime Spock says as his lips twitches in amusement. "I can think of no other who has the abundant ability to emotionally compromise me."

Jim smiles at the fond twinkle in his eye. "And that's what I'm expected to do? Emotionally compromise you guys?"

"Jim, today I have lost everything. I can assure you. I, am, compromised," Prime Spock says solemnly. "You alone must take command of your ship and stop Nero."

Jim doesn't say anything but she nods. She fidgets on the transporter pad, waiting for Prime Spock to send them on their way, but there is a long pause where all they do is stare at each other. Jim's heart rocks unsteadily when Prime Spock takes a step forward, and he doesn't stop until he's no more than a fraction away. He's so close that she can feel his inviting heat, and unable to resist, she hugs him. He doesn't stiffen like she expects, but welcomes her in the embrace by placing a heated palm on the middle of her back.

"T'hy'la," he whispers serenely in her left ear.

Jim's face burns and she quickly hides in his shoulder. With a little daring, she reaches up and fiddles with the pointed top of his right ear. There is a low rumble that comes forth from Prime Spock's chest, and her own body gives an answering shudder. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, taking in the smell of sharp incense and dark cinnamon. She's so focused and lost in the smell that she jumps when she feels two warm fingers stroking along the inside of her palm. She pulls her head back so that she can gaze into his black eyes, still fiddling with his ear as his lip twitches in amusement.

Her cheeks turn a light pink. "I may not know a lot about Vulcans, but I know what your doing," she muttered, glancing pointedly at their hands.

The corner of his mouth kicks up a fraction more. "You have always had such a fondness for my ears. It still confuses me," Prime Spock replies instead.

Jim chuckles at the obvious deflection and tangles her fingers with his, deciding to play along. "Well, I feel as though I won't get another opportunity. I don't think I'll be allowed such liberties with younger you."

Prime Spock doesn't say anything, but something in his eyes looks like he wants to argue, and for once, Jim gets just a small glimpse of his younger counterpart.

Scotty clears his throat. "Not that this isn't endearing, but we really should get a move on shouldn't we?"

Jim flushes violently. She'd forgotten there were others there, having been so lost in the comforting heat that is Prime Spock.

"Consider my heart carefully, _t'hy'la_, and handle yourself with proper precaution. I do not wish to lose you again now that I have found you once more," he whispers and Jim closes her eyes tightly. He's suddenly inside of her again, and she can feel the _longing, love, grief, loss, joy_. It is a confusing mix of emotions, which she knows are not her own. She wants to question him about it, how its possible to feel that when they aren't even melded, but Prime Spock squeezes her hand for what feels like a final time and steps completely out of her reach.

Jim's heart twists a little at the distance. She has to exhale slowly and push the longing deep down. She had bigger fish to fry, and fawning over Spock's older counterpart is not helping her cause. Once she's gathered herself, she says, "You know—coming back in time—changing history…that's cheating."

"Or perhaps exercising the proper amount of ingenuity," Prime Spock says as his eyes twinkle. "A trick I learned from someone very precious to me."

Jim ducks her head with a blush and a bashful smile.

Prime Spock activates the transporter, and as Jim looks upon him for the last time, she watches as he lifts his hand in the Vulcan salute, saying, "Live long, and prosper."

She smiles in return as she's whisked away in the white light.

888

When she rematerializes however, it's a very different story. There is darkness and pressure as unseen liquid presses down at her at all sides. She lifts her hands but they move slowly as she beats against something hard. Then, she can hear Scotty on the other side of it, desperately asking after her well-being. She wants to answer, but she's being swept away, and suddenly she's in a tube. Scotty appears at her side in an instant, and she can vaguely make out the blurry expression on his face and realizes it's panic. She opens her mouth, and a fraction of the air keeping her alive escapes from her mouth and morphs into bubbles around her face. Then she's off again, moving rapidly through the tubes being twisted in every way, sucked down and up, and she can not breathe.

Scotty's yelling something as he tries to follow her but then she's pulled up and the sound of something whirring drowns out all other noises. She has a feeling that the source of it is not good at all. But before she can accept the fact that she might just die, all weight leaves her and she's coming down hard, making painful contact with the floor. She spits up water for the next five minutes as Scotty worries over her and hauls her to her feet.

"I'm fine," Jim gasps. "Just a little wet, but I'm alive."

"Aye, you gave me a nasty scare there," Scotty says, patting her back gently as she continues to wheeze. "Let's keep your brushes with death to a minimum, what'd you say?"

Jim nods and finally has her heartbeat down to an acceptable rate. "Let's get a move on before-"

"Freeze!"

Jim and Scotty suddenly find themselves on the other end of some phasers. Scotty raises his hands immediately and Jim rolls her eyes. She observes the security team and groans when she sees who the lead security officer is.

"Come with me…_sweetheart_," he snarls. It's none other than Cupcake.

888

The bridge doors whoosh open as Jim and Scotty are manhandled onto the bridge. Jim grins lazily at all the surprised and incredulous stares. Bones looks the most relieved out of all of them, and agitated as always.

_Probably pissed that I made him worry so much, _Jim thinks.

Bones takes a step forward, and looks prepared to give Jim an earful, but thinks better of it since Spock is already there, right in front of her. Jim's breath hitches and she's reminded of emotions from before with Spock's older counterpart, but she quickly shakes out of it, reminding herself that this Spock doesn't give a shit about her, let alone any kind of fond feelings.

"Howdy, Commander," Jim greets coolly.

Spock glances at her briefly before turning to Scotty. "Who are you?"

Scotty opens his mouth to reply but Jim's way ahead of him. "He's with me, and it's none of your concern."

Spock goes on ignoring her to address Scotty. "How did you come to be on this vessel?"

Again, Scotty is all too willing to explain but Jim cuts in once more. "Don't answer that."

Scotty closes his mouth obediently.

**_Annoyance. Unsettled irritation. Confusion_**_._

These emotions hit her in an intangible wave, and knocks Jim for a loop because she just knows those aren't her feelings. Prime Spock isn't around, so Jim can't ignore that it's obviously coming from Young Spock.

But how?

"We are traveling at warp. How did you manage to come aboard this ship?" Spock asks, still addressing Scotty.

Jim frowns. Spock is a champion at being petty.

_Fine then, you wanna play? Let's play. _She thinks, then says, "You're the one with the _superior _intellect. Why don't you draw your own conclusions?" Then she shakes out her still-dripping ponytail, sending water in every direction.

A few drops land on Spock's cheek and he stiffens immediately.

**_Anger. Irritation._**

Jim smiles secretly. She may not know how or why she can feel what he feels, but it's a great advantage for her. "Well now. That doesn't frustrate you does it—our lack of cooperation?"

"As captain of this vessel I order you to explain your presence," Spock replies coldly.

"We aren't explaining a thing, _Captain_," Jim retorts.

**_Outrage._**

Spock focuses on Scotty once more. "You are not a member of this ship's crew. Under penalty of court martial-"

"Oh don't even," Jim snaps. "You don't say a thing," she says to Scotty.

"You will explain," Spock demands.

"_Not. A. Word."_ Jim rebuttals.

Scotty laughs uneasily, inching away as he holds his hands up in a harmless gesture. "You know I'd rather stay neutral in this whole…situation."

**_Fury._ **And then two beats later: **_Chilling indifference._**

Jim frowns. That isn't good. She's got to keep him feeling.

"Escort them to the brig," Spock says and turns his back on them both.

Jim shakes off the hands that reach for her. "Just what is it with you, _Captain_?" Spock stops mid-step. "You are just—completely cold. Wasn't your planet just destroyed?"

Spock doesn't even turn to face her. "You believe the effect of these events impede on my ability to command this ship."

"Shouldn't it? Where you not just here today? Did you not see what happened?" Jim presses. "Did you see what he did? Where you there?

**_Anger._**

"Yes of course I was," Spock utters. "I fail to see the logic in your reference towards it."

Jim knows she has him. "Certainly you of all people should aware of this," she replies mockingly, using his words against him. "Your mother died today, had she not?"

**RAGE.**

Jim almost fumbles with the explosion of it, but she pushes forward anyway. "Did you see how quickly she fell—did you even try to do anything to stop it?"

**_Grief. Shame._**

Spock squares his shoulders and walks to the captain's chair quietly, sitting down and remaining silent.

**_Loss. Shame. Grief. Unbearable grief. Resignation._**

"Got nothing to say to that, do you? _Captain._" Jim is surprised that she can keep her voice steady. She's feeling anything but that on the inside.

"Kirk. Stop it," Uhura hisses.

"Why should I? It clearly doesn't have a single affect on him. He's the perfect model of Vulcan control. No trace of fear, or anger, or hurt," Jim taunts, walking until she stands right in Spock's line of vision. He stubbornly keeps his gaze lowered. "Well I guess I just have to applaud you don't I? You're keeping your cool so well despite having suffered the worst possible tragedy of your life."

**_Simmering Anger._**

Spock finally speaks, "I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotion-"

"Oh come off it! You are an unemotional, unfeeling robot. You _never _loved her!" Jim says and Spock's on his feet in an instant, and before she can blink or has time to prepare, she's flying towards Sulu and Chekov, surpassing them as she crashes into the console from the force of Spock's backhand.

There are gasps all around. As Jim cradles her cheek and crumbles to the floor, Bones rushes to her side, swearing up a storm and checking her over anxiously.

**_MURDEROUS WRATH._**

Jim shudders with it as it washes over her, and she watches warily as Spock stalks towards her, eyes ablaze with unrestrained rage. Bones scowls, gathering himself to his feet and is prepared for a fight.

"_Spock._"

Spock stops immediately but the wild anger in his eyes is still present.

"Control yourself, Son."

Jim watches as Spock's hands clench and unclench. He's staring down at her, nostrils flaring, but a slow dawning washes his features and he's seems to realize what he's done, what he's about to do. His face clears and he looks as though he's finally got his bearings on reality again.

**_Shame. Embarrassment. Confliction. Fear._**

Spock staggers back. "Doctor. I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command on the grounds that I have been...emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log," and then he's gone before anyone can blink, his father hot on his trail.

"No longer fit," Bones growls darkly. "I'll show him what it means to be no longer fit, putting his hands on a woman like that. He's lost all his senses!"

"Bones," Jim says softly. "Let it go. I provoked him."

Bones snaps his head around to glare at her, and she flinches back. "That's no excuse!" he snaps. "I oughta-"

"But you wont because I will never forgive you if you do," Jim warns sternly.

Bones seems to being choking on several responses. He finally says neither of them and stands to his feet. "Fine. Be a goddamn punching bag for that sadastic green-blooded bastard but don't come crying to me broken and expecting that I'll fix everything without saying a damn word," and then he too makes a hasty retreat.

Jim winces and stands to her feet, waving away Chekov and Sulu when they try to assist her. She knows Bones must be pretty pissed, but she'll explain everything to him later. Not that it might make a difference anyway. Bones is viciously overprotective of her and that man knows how to hold a mean grudge. Combine those two facts together and Spock better hope he can appeal to Bones' good side in this era.

She sighs and rubs her sore cheek, already feeling it overheat as it swells with blood. She always did bruise like a peach.

"I like this ship," Scotty chimes excitedly and quite randomly. "Never a dull moment here."

Incredulous stares are tossed his way but he just goes on grinning like a fool.

"Fantastic, Kirk," Uhura states, crossing her arms. "Not only are we without a captain now, but there's no first officer to replace him."

Jim straightens and strides towards the captain's chair. "On the contrary, _Nyota_."

Uhura and the others look confused, but Sulu says, "Pike made _her_ first officer."

"Unbelievable," Uhura mutters.

Jim sits down and drawls, "Thanks for the support, Lieutenant."

"I just hope you know what your doing…_Captain_," Uhura retorts.

"So do I," Jim counters. She presses the communication button and makes a ship wide announcement. "This is Captain Kirk speaking. Commander Spock has resigned commission, and I know you're all prepared to regroup with the fleet, but I'm changing course and ordering a pursuit of the enemy ship to Earth. I'm issuing red alert. I want all departments ready and at battle stations in ten minutes." Jim pauses briefly, then says, "Either we're going down, or they are—Kirk out."

These words, Jim finds, are truer than she's ever known.

888

Jim leaves the bridge to let Chekov, Sulu and Scotty deliberate the best strategy concerning what would happen once they've caught up with Nero. She knows she should be present for this discussion, but she trusts that they will come to the best conclusions without her. Right now, she trying to find Spock, and maybe rectify some of the damage she's done. She's been unable to feel him, and perhaps that's what worries her the most. The computer directs her to the transporter room, claiming that's where Spock could be found.

"—_feel anger for the one that took mother's life._"

Jim stops the moment she hears Spock's voice and she finds herself standing outside, unwilling to interrupt but too curious to walk away.

"_I am as conflicted as I once was as a child._"

A new voice joins in, and Jim recognizes that it belongs to Spock's father. "_You must not punish yourself. You will always be a child of two worlds—I am grateful for this._" A beat, then, "_Perhaps even more, now that she is no longer with us. You are all I have left of her._"

"_Father…_" Spock sounds confused.

"_You once asked of me why I choose to bond with your mother, and I misled you. I made it seem as if it was nothing more than convenience, when, the truth Spock, is that I loved her._" He goes on saying, "_Emotions runs deep within our race, perhaps even deeper than humans. Such complexities…are uneasy to admit. Perhaps it is why we try to conceal them, bind them with rituals of control and meditation, when it doesn't make us any lesser than who we are. I need you to comprehend this, Spock. Speak your mind."_

Spock seems to hesitate. "_I feel an anger I can not control."_

"_I believe your mother would say—do not try to. You will overcome these hardships. How you will, is left entirely up to you."_

Spock's father exits a moment later, and Jim foolishly tries to flatten herself along the wall to avoid being seen. Because of this attempt, he takes notice of her immediately and lifts a questioning brow that eerily echoes Spock. "Captain Kirk, I believe eavesdropping is mutually distasteful in every culture."

Jim smiles sheepishly. "Yes…sorry."

He eyes her for a moment, as though he is looking for something. "I trust that the display you put on earlier with my son shall not happen again."

Jim shakes her head quickly, a little cowed.

"I also trust, that you will explain to me why I feel a connection between you and my son," he says unexpectedly. "A connection that is much like the one found amongst our young when they are betrothed."

Jim is a bit thrown. "Um…"

"You may address me as Sarek," he says.

Jim can only blink but Sarek looks indifferent.

Sarek studies her for a moment more, then says, "I recognize this is a discussion for an alternative time. I am aware of the more pressing matters that you must attend to, so I will take my leave, and wait patiently for a more suitable occasion to discuss the subject. I will then be able to decide what precautions to take."

Vulcan Translation: _I know you have a lot of shit on your plate, so I'm willing to wait until your ready to talk to me. Then after we talk, I can maybe know what to do about you._

"The need for a partition, however, is essential. I have taken the liberty of lifting basic shields between you and my son to prevent difficulties and complications." That explains why Jim can just barely feel Spock there. "I also advise that you discuss this matter with my son as well," Sarek instructs. "For now, I ask that you give him a moment of peace, so that he may, as you humans say, '_collect himself_' and '_come around_'."

Jim nods. "Yes, sir."

Sarek lifts a brow. "It is not in my nature to reiterate. As I have stated before, you will address me as Sarek."

"Sarek. Got it." Jim responds immediately.

"Good day, Captain," Sarek says once he is satisfied that he's scared the living daylights out of her while also reassuring her that their interactions won't have to be so stiffly formal.

Jim, again, is completely baffled, and can only watch as Sarek leaves wordlessly. He obviously knew more than she did about what was happening between her and Spock. That kind of made her blush a little guiltily. She felt a little like she'd got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Not wanting to be caught lingering, she makes her way back to the bridge.

She doesn't know what's more frightening: a conversation with Spock, a conversation with Sarek, or facing possible doom with Nero.

888

When Jim returns to the bridge, she realizes she hasn't been gone long enough for them to reach a solution. So she adds her brainpower to the mix to try and speed along the process. In the middle of bouncing ideas off of each other, Chekov gets this look on his face that makes Jim pause. She quiets the others and asks the kid to go ahead and share with the rest of the class.

"Based on the Narada's course from Vulcan, I've projected that Nero will travel past Saturn. If we could drop out of warp behind one of Saturn's moons, say, Titan, the magnetic distortion from the planet's rings will make us invisible to Nero's sensors."

Scotty cocks his head thoughtfully. "Aye, that just might work. You'll have to adjust your shield frequencies of course to avoid further detection."

Chekov nods rapidly.

Jim is just a bit skeptical.

"It is a logical course of action."

Jim frowns and turns, as does everyone else in the room, to the bridge doors to see Spock standing there. He looks as prime and neat as ever, giving no hint to his brutal meltdown just moments before. Jim can't help the small smile that touches her face. "Is that so, Commander?"

Spock darts a quick look at her bruised cheek, then away, and steps further in the room with his hands clasped. "I have reviewed his telemetry. If Mr. Sulu can maneuver us into position, I can beam aboard the Narada."

Jim gazes at him considerably. "I can't allow you to do that."

"My mother was human. Which makes Earth the only home that I have left." Spock eyes flicks to her bruised cheek again, then away as he explains, "Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry. Our cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access the ship's computer to locate the device."

Jim nods once. "Then I'm coming with you." She grins, and adds, "No need to cite regulation, Commander."

"I am aware. You would simply ignore it." Spock eye's dart to her bruised cheek for what must be the hundredth time.

Jim grins deviously. Then says, "Stop looking at my face like you mutilated me. I'm fine."

Spock stiffens and responds, "'_Fine_' has variable definitions, Captain. '_Fine_' is unacceptable, as was my actions."

Jim sighs, too aware of all the ears listening in. Sarek was right about eavesdropping being distasteful. "I'm not exactly an innocent bystander now am I? I said some very ugly things."

"That is no excuse for-"

"Forgiven, Commander," Jim quickly interjects.

"I must protes-"

"_Forgiven_." Jim repeats stubbornly. "End of discussion."

Spock has that look about him again. Like he wants to argue, but merely resigns to the fact that it would not be wise, and nods wordlessly.

"Good," Jim says evenly, and turns quickly so that he doesn't see her amused smile. "Now if you're all done watching us like a soap opera…"

That gets everyone moving, looking equally chastised and guiltily.

As she watches them scramble with a secret smile on her face, she finds that she loves being Captain.

888

Jim's standing on the transporter pad with Spock when Uhura strides in the room. She's walking with determination and poise, and doesn't stop until she's face to face with Spock. There is a whispered exchange and then a kiss. That's when Jim decides that the ceiling has become the most enlightening point of interest. When she glances back over after a few moments, they're still going at it. Even Scotty looks uncomfortable.

"Well done, Mr. Sulu," Scotty says suddenly. "You've got a fine Helmsman there, Captain. He's done good."

Jim smiles.

Bones suddenly makes an appearance. He looks around with a scowl before he zeros in on Jim. Much like Uhura, he stalks forward with a purpose.

"Bones," Jim says, inching away subtly. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Bones doesn't answer right away. He just moves closer and yanks Jim to him when she's in reachable distance.

Jim eyes widen and her jaw drops in shock. He never voluntarily hugs her. Several moments pass before she shakes off her surprise and awkwardly pats him on the back, vaguely wondering if he was drunk.

Bones pulls back, still scowling. "You listen to me. You're an absolute pain in my ass. So help me if you die, I'll do everything that I can to revive you just so I can shake you right back into a coma," he warns, then steps back and lands Spock with a sinister glare. "If you weren't my superior I'd-" Bones cuts himself off, and just mutters. Then he starts up again, "I expect you'll bring Jimmy here, back in one piece, because if you don't, if you let anything happen to her, superior or not, I'll show you exactly what I know about Vulcan biology."

Jim snorts and pokes Bones in the forehead with two fingers, sending him stumbling back three steps. "Easy there, Tiger. I don't think they can handle that whole Papa Bear side you try to hide."

Bones just glares at them all before he storms off.

"Love you too Bones!" she calls after him. She snickers when he flips her the bird and disappears. After a moment she goes gravely quiet, then says, "Mr. Sulu?"

"_Captain?_"

"If you feel you have the tactical advantage, even if we're still aboard, I want you to fire on that ship. That's an order. Understood?"

"_Aye, Captain."_

Uhura steps down from the pad. "Good luck, Kirk."

Jim nods. "Mr. Scott?"

Scotty answers, "If there's any common sense to their ship design, I should put you right in the cargo bay, not a soul in sight."

Jim acknowledges that with a nod and glances at Spock who inclines his head slightly.

Jim exhales to catch her bearings.

"Energize."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>_Did I mention this was going to be a series? Yeah…this is going to be a series. I think I'm getting more comfortable with the characters._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

Oh it's the cargo bay all right, but there are very much souls in sight. There are several Romulans at the cargo consoles. Jim barely has enough time to whip out her phaser and start firing off. She's not sure who starts it first, but all she could do is duck and dive, avoiding the red beams of light flying towards her and Spock. But it's amazing, the way her and Spock move in perfect synchronization. She points and shoots to the left and Spock points and shoots to the right, and together they bring them all down until they're the only ones standing.

Jim pants, aims her phaser and quickly surveys the area, making sure there are no threats in sight. "I think you should get to work figuring out where that device is," she suggests.

Spock hesitates behind her. "Captain, the risk of your safety is still a high probability of-"

Jim sighs and crouches, keeping a look out. "You know, don't let Bones fool you. I can hold my own."

Spock inclines his head. "It was not my intention to imply you were incapable, but it is my duty to ensure-"

"Blah, blah, chivalry. I get it, and it's appreciated and noted," she interjects with a great level of patience. "Spock, you're going to have to learn that you're not the only one who is capable of looking out for others. I've got you," she says, phaser still aimed.

Spock doesn't move. "You are sure?"

"Exceedingly," Jim says firmly.

Spock nods and lowers his phaser. "Very well," and he strides over to the closest unconscious Romulan.

Jim sneaks a glance over her shoulder just in time to see Spock placing his fingers at the meld points on the Romulan's face. Something unpleasant, akin to jealousy, twists deep in her gut and she has to tear her eyes away and steady herself so she can focus on the task at hand. "Do you know where the device is?"

"And Captain Pike," Spock confirms.

Jim nods and stands to her feet. "Device first, Pike second. Come on, lead the way."

Spock leads them through odd twists and turns until they find themselves on Narada's main hangar. Jim instantly recognizes the ship from the image Prime Spock projected to her through the meld. He had called it the Jellyfish. Left to right, they take aim and fire on any Romulan they come across, which are very few compared to their last run in. They board the Jellyfish quickly, and at the shuttle's very core is a huge tank of red matter. Jim watches as Spock studies the tank with increasing interest and focus, and she can't help the secret smile that crosses her lips briefly.

"Hey nerd," Jim taunts and watches as Spock dark eyes flicker up and over to her with just a delicate amount of irritation. "I don't need you falling in love while we're on a mission, so if you think you can pull yourself away for a moment, I'm going to need you to fly this ship."

Spock straightens. "I am unfamiliar with the ship's design, which may prove to be problematic."

"_Voice recognition confirmed. Welcome back Ambassador Spock."_

Jim chuckles awkwardly. "Wow that's weird," and quickly turns, stepping towards the front.

Spock is right on her heels. "You convey guilt," he observes.

"Guilt? For what?" Jim says, avoiding eye contact to study the ship's main console and pilot's chair.

"You appear to know a lot more than previously stated," Spock presses.

Jim snorts and rolls her eyes. "Don't be so paranoid. Why would I know anything?" she says as she turns to face him.

"The puzzling circumstance surrounding your reappearance on the ship-"

"Which I'm still pissed about by the way! You know that planet had practically nothing on it I could have died-"

"-Yet you managed to still board the Enterprise," Spock points out. "At trans-warp no less, which again implies that such comprehension of advanced technology is-"

"Shut up."

Spock stares. "You are exceptionally rude."

Jim remained stubbornly quiet and matched Spock stare for stare.

Spock, without breaking eye contact, says, "Computer, what is your manufacturing origin?"

"_Stardate 2397, commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy._"

Spock lifts his eyebrow challengingly and Jim sighs. "Just trust me, Spock. Can you do that?"

Spock looked as though he were weighing his options. "That will be difficult. You have been keeping vital information from me."

"Just believe I had a good reason," Jim turns. "You can fly this thing right?"

"It would appear that I already have," Spock replies evenly.

Jim rolls her eyes. "Sassing your Captain already, huh? And you call _me _the exceptionally rude one," she mutters. Then louder, "I'm going to get Pike."

Spock promptly interjects, "Captain, the likelihood we will succeed is less than that of 32.4-"

"Oh for the love of all things logical, Spock," Jim says. "It'll work."

"Nevertheless, in the event that I am unable to return to the Enterprise, I ask that you inform Nyota I-"

"Spock," Jim scolds gently. "It'll work."

Spock goes curiously quiet after this statement and studies her face. She lets him until he nods, as though deeming her words to be true.

Jim throws back her shoulders. "Good. Now, get rid of that drill and I'll see you back on my ship," she says as she turns on her heel and walks off.

888

Jim finds Pike on the lower deck of the ship. The room he's in seems to be specifically made for torture. Everything is sharp and menacing, and Pike is in the midst of it all; spread across a mock operating table, beaten and bloodied. There are thick black ropes wrapped tightly across his body, holding him down, but he looks so battered that the thought he'd run, or even have the ability to, is beyond farfetched.

Jim quickly surveys the room, and is glad to find that there is no one else around. "Pike," she whispers as she marches up to him with the confidence she doesn't feel. The smell of blood, the look of his injuries…it's God-awful. "Pike," she murmurs shakily, lowering her phaser and sliding it in her holster on her hips.

Pike coughs. More blood. His eyes are foggy and glazed with delirium and pain. "Kirk? Kirk…how'd you-"

"Shh," Jim shushes, studying the length of his body as she worries her lower lip with her teeth. "You're looking good Captain Pike, they treating you well?" she jokes hollowly. She sees pink flesh and white bones in different places on him.

Pike smiles unseeingly. "Top quality hosts those Romulans are," he replies and coughs. "You should leave Jim," he wheezes.

Jim frowns. "You're coming with me."

"I'll just be added weight. You know I wont last three steps. I've made my peace already," Pike huffs with a pained effort.

"You're preaching to the wrong choir, Pike," Jim replies softly. "I don't believe in no-win scenarios."

Pike shakes his head and spits up more blood. Jim looks away and purses her lips, trying to think past the thoughts of hopelessness. "You win some and you lose some, Kirk. That's just the way of things. When you're Captain, you have to understand you can't save them all. Being a hero or the winner in every situation doesn't define your capability to lead a thousand," he inhales roughly and continues, "How you handle the weight of failure, that weight of starting with a thousand and ending with thirteen, now that makes a captain."

"You're babbling old man. I can still get you out alive," Jim argues stubbornly.

Pike smiles deliriously. "I've no doubt you can get me out Jim, it's the alive part that worries me. I've only got enough left in me to continue a coherent conversation with you for the next eight—maybe six minutes."

"Captain-"

"You've done good Jim," Pike goes on saying. "Your father would have been proud of such determination I'm sure."

Jim chokes. There's no other way to explain it. She can't see past that statement; has always been unable to see past the mention of her father. It's daunting and leaves her open as she scrambles to uphold her cocky and untroubled demeanor.

"Damn proud," Pike mumbles. "Damn proud."

Jim reaches out and places a hand on his arm. She just takes a moment to look at him. She's at a loss for what she should do. So she just puts her focus on untying him. If he was going to die, he wasn't going to die like some captured cattle. She makes it to his ankles without shaking, and is all too aware of every shallow breath he takes.

She's dealing with a particularly troubling knot when Pike suddenly sits up, yanks her phaser from her holster and shoots the approaching Romulan over her shoulder all in one grace. Then he falls back, looking about as done as he could in his frail condition.

Jim blinks at him in surprise and takes her phaser from him. "You're killing me, Chris."

Pike smiles wryly. "Had to—take one—of those bastards—before I go."

Jim swallows and attempts to smile. "You're too awesome, you know that?"

Pike eyes flutter close. "Give 'em hell, Jim." He exhales for the last time, and then goes weightless. He's gone.

Jim's fingers tighten around her phaser as she sorts through her grief. She hates that fucking feeling of loss. But she'll deal with that demon later. Right now, she had a crazed Romulan to take down.

888

Jim finds her way up to the main deck, and she presses back into the shadow as she sizes up the situation. Nero is easy to spot. His fists are swinging angrily, and he's cursing in muddled Romulan. He's seems to be alone, and Jim, never one to let an opportunity pass her by, slowly approaches him from behind.

"Am I surrounded by incompetency? Earth should be no more than a memory. Why does it still stand?" Nero hisses.

Jim is almost close now. All she needs to do is press the tip of her phaser against the back of his neck, and hopefully, he would beg for his life.

Instead, however, before she can make this a reality, she can feel the cold bite of a blade against her own throat. "Do not move," a voice hisses in her ear.

Jim purses her lips.

"Captain," the voice calls.

Nero whips around, eyes ablaze with murderous rage, and then, at the sight of her, it twists into something sadistically joyful. "James Kirk," he smirks. "If I had known we had an honored guest aboard, I would have been more welcoming. That is enough Ayel, you've stripped her of her weapon, I'll take it from here." Nero reaches out, grabs her forearm and yanks her in close.

Jim winces but doesn't make a sound.

"I've not seen many humans—besides your Captain Pike—in more personal settings, but your kind, I suppose, does offer some appeal," Nero says thoughtfully as he leans in and studies her intently.

Jim leans back and says nothing.

Nero frowns and pushes her down towards the console, keeping her bent over it as the different buttons press uncomfortable against her already bruised cheek. His grip is in her hair now, latched to the base of her ponytail and she winces.

"If your fucking hands wander, you'll regret it," Jim warns and squirms when he presses in behind her.

"You're in no position to be making demands from me, human," Nero sneers. Out of the corner of her eye she sees him glance up at the view screen. The ship shudders and the lights flicker. "What is that?"

"Someone has detonated the primary core. Our warp-systems are offline, as well as the drill," Ayel announces, somewhere beyond Jim's sight. There are quick sounds of clicks and beeps that follow, and then Ayel is speaking again, "Ambassador Spock's ship has been stolen."

Nero tightens his hold in Jim's air, lifting her up an inch before slamming her back down into the console with an enraged growl. "_SPOCK_!"

Jim bites her tongue until she can taste blood, but she doesn't dare give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out in pain.

"Open a channel," Nero demands and Ayel replies in kind. "Spock—I should have killed you when I had the chance."

"_Under authority granted to me by the Europa convention, I'm confiscating this illegally obtained ship and order you to surrender your vessel. No terms. No deals." _

Jim is instantly and so ridiculously comforted by the sound of Spock's stoic voice, she's able to forget for a moment that she's face down on a console with a deranged Romulan uncomfortably pressed against her from behind.

Nero's mouth twists into something unpleasant. "You can't cheat me again, Spock," he suddenly grins. "I know you better than you know yourself."

Jim suddenly finds herself hauled upright by the hand in her hair, and her head is wrenched back from the force of it. Nero has her facing the view screen, which is full of Spock at the moment.

"I believe I have something precious of yours to negotiate," Nero goes on to say.

Spock shows no signs of caring. "There will be no negations," he responds with a firm level of finality.

"Not even for her?" Nero pushes, and then he's pressing the tip of Jim's phaser to the base of her throat. "So pretty, this little human. I would hate to deprive the universe."

Spock is silent.

"Shall I even the terms, Spock? Take from you what you stole from me," Nero mocks darkly.

Still Spock is unmoved.

Nero smirks impatiently. "Alright then," he loosens his grip on her hair, places his palm between her shoulder blades and slams her down against the console again with brutal force. "Since I don't seem to be making myself clear," he aims the phaser at the back of Jim's head.

"Do what you must," Spock finally says and cuts the communication.

Nero yells and curses so quickly that Jim's translator is unable to identify it. The tip of the phaser is pressed directly into her temple now.

Jim closes her eyes and waits for the inevitable blow…

"Sir, he's rapidly approaching the ship," Ayel warns. "He's on a collision course."

…but it never comes.

Nero eases off as his attention is refocused. "Fire everything at him!" he snarls.

Ayel hesitates, "But sir—the red matter—if it is ignited—"

Nero points the phaser at his counterpart and fires without a moment's hesitation. "Must I do it all myself," he mutters and strides over to the other station. "You should've fled Spock."

Its as if Jim doesn't exist anymore. Jim turns her back to Nero and faces the view screen, where the Jellyfish could be seen, turning to give the Narada chase as Nero locked torpedoes.

_Good thinking Spock. Can't risk the red matter this close to earth, _she thinks as she watches him warp the moment the torpedoes were closing in. Nero follows of course, he is determined after all. Jim wonders if she should intervene, but without a weapon, and no plan of action, its senseless. She briefly wonders if this is what Pike felt like before he died. If this is what it feels like to accept defeat, just as one would accept the next breath they take.

_But you're a fighter. You've always given as good as you get, _she thinks, already marching her way over to Nero, come what may. There's a crowbar lying on the floor, just as random as day, just lying there, and Jim wants to question the timing of it, but she's already fisting her hand around it and striding towards Nero with a purpose now.

"_Spock! _I will _end _you," Nero snarls. The Jellyfish is once more headed straight for the Narada.

Jim steps up behind him quietly and says, "You know you really oughta get a life."

Nero whips around, as though remembering she even existed, but it's too late. Jim's body twists, arm raised and she swings at his jaw like a tennis racket to a tennis ball.

He goes flying over the station and to the other side of it where she can't see. When he stumbles to his feet, he's holding her phaser. His jaw is drowned in blood and he has this look in his eyes that says he's aiming to kill. She can't believe she is going to die at the hands of the man who is responsible for her father's death and committed genocide against an entirely peaceful planet.

But by the good grace of the universe, before she can say '_Oh fuck_', she's surrounded by glorious of threads of white, her molecules are being pulled apart and when she's rematerializes, its on her ship. Spock is right beside her. They take a moment to observe each other quietly, making sure the other is fully in tact before they turn their gazes elsewhere.

Scotty hops up with his usual obnoxious grin. "Never beamed two people from two different places onto the same pad before. That was pretty good!"

Jim grins, despite the pain in her cheek. "Pretty good? Scotty you're a force to be reckoned with!" Jim glances at Spock, who whips his gaze from her bruised cheek and forward again. She smiles sadly and says, "Alright there, Mr. Spock?"

Spock inclines his head. "Captain, I strongly advise a visit to medical bay."

Jim rolls her eyes. "Right then, ignore my concerns, but one day I'll be able to get a straight-forward answer from you," she promises.

Spock says nothing to that, then, "Were you able to locate Captain Pike?"

Jim nods solemnly. She's not sure what to say. She's not ready to talk about it. "Let's check on our crazed Romulan, shall we?" She steps down off the transporter pad and journeys toward the bridge, Spock in tow.

"Oh no you don't!" Bones materializes out of nowhere and Jim can't help but to jump back in surprise. "Let me have a look at you, I can see that cheek of yours bruisin' even more badly than before."

Jim sighs. "'_More badly_' is bad grammar Bones," she teases and sidesteps him.

Bones scowls but follows right on her heels. "Don't sweet talk your way out of my scrutiny. You need ice and a good scanning. When was the last time you ate, let alone had a decent sleep?"

"Captain, I must agree with the Doctor."

"Color me surprised," Jim mutters sarcastically.

Spock lifts a brow. "I do not believe that is a conceivable request."

"Vulcans, honestly. All that intellect, and you guys don't have a clue about sarcasm," Jim says as they step onto the turbolift.

"I recognize humans use it to express irony, to mock, or to convey contempt," Spock replies, and then slides his eyes over and down to her. "Was this not your intent?"

Bones snorts, but otherwise remains silent.

Jim just shakes her head as the doors whoosh open and they step out onto the bridge. "As much as I'd like to correct you, and to enjoy it, I'll save that for another day," she answers. Then she pauses. "Just what did you do with that ship? If I remember correctly, you were on a collision course towards the Narada."

Spock clasps his hand behind him as he walks over to his station. "Your memory is sound."

"So that means…" Jim turns to the view screen as she steps fully onto the bridge. And sure enough, she sees the Narada being swallowed in a swirling vortex of black. There is a moment of silence on the bridge as they watch the ship's descent. Then she says something that even surprises herself, "Should we offer them assistance?"

"Are you mad woman?" Bones spits.

Chekov nods. "Keptin, he is most undeserving."

"I say let the fuckers fry," Sulu adds.

"Of course, but, well, maybe if we show them a bit of compassion, it'll ease the strain between the Federation and Romulus. Call it diplomacy," Jim explains, but everyone is still gawking at her.

Spock looks puzzled for a moment. "Captain?"

Jim turns and faces him fully. "I'd thought you'd appreciate that Spock."

"No," Spock says quite frankly. "Not this time."

Now Jim is the one to lift an eyebrow, and she must look so ridiculous that it even makes Uhura hide behind her hand as she chuckles. Jim throws her a grin and a wink. "Very well, we've done our job. Mr. Sulu, bring us home."

Sulu turns with an eager nod.

Jim walks up to the captain's chair and sits. She wiggles down just as Bones saddles up beside her and she relaxes with a sigh, prepared for the lecture he was surely about to give. But the relaxation is short-lived when the ship shudders almost violently.

Jim straightens in alarm. "Sulu? Why aren't we at warp?"

Sulu curses in his native language and works his hands furiously over the console. "We are. We're too close to the gravitational pull-"

"Get us out of it then," Jim retorts.

"I'm trying," Sulu responds.

Jim frowns. "Kirk to Engineering. Scotty, we need you to push it down there."

"Believe me, I am Captain! What're you doing to the ship? It cannot withstand the pressure," Scotty answers frantically.

"We're too close to the singularity and it's got us pinned in place. We're at warp, but that's not doing anything for us," Jim says. "Go to maximum warp."

"I have! I'm giving her all she's got Captain!"

"All she's got isn't getting us anywhere and since warp isn't doing anything for us you have to get us a different solution! Now think Scotty!"

"Uh—if we—if we eject the core and detonate, the blast could be strong enough to push us away—but I cannot promise anything!"

"_DO IT!_"

"You bet your arse Captain!"

The ship shudders and Jim leans forward, biting her lip in anticipation as she grips the edge of her seat. They all watch as a streak of blue light encases them before it sends them propelling into warp again. Jim and the others are knocked back in their seats from the force of it all, but the edge is taken off seconds later…

…and they're safe.

"Oh my fuck," Jim whispers to herself and laughs, and laughs some more, quite deliriously until the rest of the bridge joins in, sharing into the wry humor and relief of the situation.

Well, all except for Bones of course, who is stumbling to his feet with a scowl, trying to make himself presentable. "What the hell are you all laughin' for? We were almost just swallowed!"

Jim chuckles and stands to her feet, clapping Bones over the shoulder. "Oh relax old man, no need to have a stroke."

Bones balks. "Relax? Relax! Am I the only sane person on this deathtrap? Just how-"

Jim quickly interjects, "Bones, for the love of my _bleeding ears_, if you shut up right now, I will let you do _whatever_ you _want_ to me the minute I step foot into medical bay."

Bones mouth snaps shut, and his mouth curls into a dark grin. "I'll hold you to that, Jimmy," he says pleasantly with a sinister leer and exits the bridge without another word.

Jim watches him go and fidgets. "I think I'm going to eat my words," she mumbles and sits again. She then turns her chair towards Spock.

He gives a barely perceptible nod, that says more than actual words could.

She's done good.

She's done damn good.

888

"This assembly calls _Captain _James Tiberius Kirk. Your inspirational valor and supreme dedication to your comrades are in keeping with the highest traditions of service and reflect utmost credit to yourself, your crew, and the Federation. Also, for your...unique solution to the Kobayashi Maru, it's my honor to award you with a commendation for original—thinking," Admiral Barnett says; a humored half-smile on his face. He opens a box and pulls from it a medal. "By Starfleet Order 28455, you are hereby directed to report to Commanding Officer, USS Enterprise, for duty as his relief."

Jim smiles sadly and salutes Admiral Barnett, then does an about face. She takes two steps and stands at attention before a platform that holds a picture of Admiral Pike, with flowers and commemorative medals. She salutes it and softly says, "I relieve you sir."

The entire assembly hall falls respectively quiet for the next two minutes.

Jim exhales and drops her salute. A clap starts, and then another follows, until the whole room shakes with the applause, and Jim throws back her shoulders, turns to the crowd and smiles with pride.

The assembly filters out, and Jim does what she can, shaking hands and saying thanks to every face that appears before hers. She remains as polite as she can, but all she can do is anxiously search the crowd with her eyes. She doesn't see him, neither of them, young or old, no Spock in sight and its more than disappointing. Jim tries not to think about it, but it's unavoidable. Perhaps she's being selfish, because why would they be here when their race is in constant jeopardy of extinction. She shakes off those thoughts, continuing with pleasantries until they've all gone.

By the end of it all, she's wandering over to Bones, who seems trapped in an unwanted conversation. Seeing his scowl is oddly comforting in a way.

"Jim," a voice says to Jim's immediate left, making her stop.

When Jim turns she sees a woman. She's thin and worn, blonde hair overtaken with gray. Her blue eyes are sad. It's the nose that really tips Jim off, and maybe the ears too. She'd recognize those features anywhere. Suddenly she can feel her heart in her throat.

"Winona," Jim whispers.

Winona smiles sadly, and there's an edge of guilt there. "Heard about what you did. I thought—" she pauses unsurely. "There's a diner not too far from here, if you could spare a moment for me, I'd like to—to talk."

Jim says nothing. She doesn't know what to say exactly, or how to feel. But then she feels a heated palm, pressing ever so gently against the space between her shoulder blades.

"Jim would be delighted," Prime Spock says in her stead. "She will, of course, need a moment to resolve a few matters."

Winona nods. "Yes, I understand. Jim, the diner is only a quarter of a mile from her. It's called Horizon. I'll wait for you there."

"She will join you momentarily," Prime Spock assures.

Winona nods once more, glancing back and forth between Prime Spock and Jim. After another moment's hesitation, she turns and leaves.

"How dare you," Jim hisses, the moment Winona's out of hearing range. "You had no right."

"You are not upset with me," Prime Spock merely replies. "And I sense this will be beneficial for you. In a week you will board the Enterprise to commence your five-year mission. Would it not be best to settle your affairs here?"

Vulcan Translation: _You've got demons, and now you have an opportunity to confront them. Do it now so that you may enjoy your time off-planet without these demons interfering with your ability to command._

Jim frowns. "Twenty years and suddenly she has something to say? I can't make sense of it Spock, and I don't want to. It'd be better if I just-"

"Jim," Prime Spock interjects softly. "For once, put logic aside and surrender your predictable bravado. Do what feels right. You are curious, this is to be expected, and it will allow you the perspective you've been searching for."

Jim almost hates that he knows her so well. "What're you doing here anyway? If the other Spock sees you, well, not that I'm not grateful you're here…" she trails off meaningfully.

Prime Spock studies her carefully. "Jim—I heavily implied universe-ending paradoxes."

Jim blinks at him slowly. "Is that a pretty way of saying you lied to me?"

"I implied."

"You gambled—and cheated!"

"An act of faith," Prime Spock corrects. "One I hope my younger counterpart will duplicate in the near future."

Jim's mouth sags. "About that…I don't believe he'll be joining me on the Enterprise." She continues when she sees the look on his face, "I mean, I've asked everyone else and they've all immediately said yes, but Spock, well, he told me that he would have to, weigh his options. He didn't say it like that, I'm summarizing but, well, I get the feeling that he was politely turning me down."

Prime Spock makes a thoughtful sound. Then he says, "The future is not as it should be. We face extinction now, and, logically, he would not be remiss in resigning his commission with Starfleet to help with the rebuilding our race." He pauses, and Jim stays quiet. Then he goes on to say, "Yet he has the unique opportunity to be two places at once."

Jim looks at him sharply with narrowed eyes as the corner of his mouth kicks up a fraction in amusement. "You impossible, manipulative Vulcan. You've talked him into being my first officer haven't you?" she says suspiciously.

"It is what you wished, and I have never been able to deprive you," Prime Spock confirms in a roundabout way. "Nor could I have deprived you of the revelation of all you can accomplish together—of a bond that will define you both—in ways you cannot possibly conceive."

Jim smiles sadly. "It may not turn out the way you want."

"Indeed. Not instantaneously, but given the proper time, well, that is an entirely different matter," Prime Spock's dark eyes smiled at her.

Jim grins. "I have a week before I have to report to the Enterprise for duty. I expect that you'll set aside some time for me. Who knows when we might get the chance after that."

"Of course, Jim," Prime Spock says softly. "Do not keep your mother waiting. When you have finished, Leonard will be waiting for you outside. I'll personally see to it."

Jim wants smother him in hugs and kisses, but she thinks better of it. So she lifts her hand instead in the customary Vulcan salute, "Until we meet again."

"Peace and long life, _t'hy'la_," Prime Spock replies, echoing her gesture.

Jim pivots and heads for the exit.

Dark eyes follow her the whole way.

888

The diner is pretty simple in design. It lacks the flash and dazzle that restaurants usually contain these days, but instead, just goes the way of the 20th century designs. Jim had considered going back to the dorm she shared with Bones and changing. But she knew that if she had, she would have ended up changing, walking to the nearest bar and drinking herself into a stupor. That is unacceptable, and Jim is no coward. So she marched a quarter of a mile, uniform, medals and all, to the diner. Of course, she'd been recognize during the process, and was delayed by people wanting pictures and autographs, giving their thanks for her heroism and every other gesture they could show to let it be known that they we're proudly caught up with the latest media.

Luckily, the diner was fairly empty, even though it was a Sunday. There were only two to three other families, and a scattered group of solo customers at the corners of the diner. Winona sits in the midst of it, at a small booth that is adjacent to the diner windows, smack dab in the middle of the whole joint. Jim only has to walk about six steps before she's sliding into the booth, opposite from Winona.

Winona's gaze is pointed down towards her wrinkled and thin fingers, which are twisting and tearing at a napkin.

Jim stares at her for a moment, but Winona doesn't look up. Jim sighs and reaches over to pluck the menu up from behind the napkin dispenser, and the ketchup and mustard bottles. She flips it open and lays it flat on the table, hunches forward until the end of her ponytail brushes against her lower back and slides forward past her elbow to collide with the edge of the table. She can vaguely hear whispers, her name being among them, from different parts of the restaurant. And those curious gazes aren't exactly being subtle.

Jim sighs and fingers the bottom of her lip, looking at the menu, but not looking at the same time. "So I'm here now. You had something you wanted to say?"

Winona stills. She releases the napkin and straightens, finally lifting her gaze, and becoming aware of her surroundings as though before she had been lost in her own imaginings. "I know you can never forgive me for leaving," she begins. A beat, then, "I have no excuse for it, and I'm not apologizing. I'm selfish, Jim, that's all I ever been. Selfish." She pauses and twists to the left, riffling through her brown-leathered purse. "You don't mind do you?" she asks as she pulls out a packet of cigarettes and a liter.

Jim shrugs and sits back, turning her gaze to the scenery on the other side of window. She faintly hears the _flick—flick—click_ of the lighter, and Winona's hasty inhale.

After a few more inhales/exhales, she continues, "I've got a lot to be sorry for. And the list grows everyday. I'm sure if you put all my guilt in a jar, placed it on a scale and weighed it against a feather, the feather would go sailing through the air like a catapult." She flicks the ash of her cigarette in the avocado-colored ashtray next to the salt-and-pepper shakers. "You've got too much of your father in you, and I knew. I knew that's what I would have to face everyday of my life and I couldn't bare it. As petty of a reason as it seems, it's the way of things I'm afraid. Say something, Jim, let me know you hear me."

"Loud and clear," Jim mutters bitterly with her arms crossed. She can feel the anger bubbling up inside and its only a matter of time. Only a matter of time…

Winona sighs and inhales another drag from her cigarette. Flicks it twice, exhales a cloud of gray smoke, and then says, "You've a bit of me in you too, as much as I'm sure you don't want to hear it. It's there. It's the stubbornness, you and I, we're stubborn. And we could never settle for anything less than what is to our own satisfaction."

Jim purses her lips, but doesn't respond. Winona's right. She's got a stubborn streak that could put a donkey to shame.

"Frank's not been good to you I see," Winona comments suddenly. "I can see that hard edge in your eye. It's the same one I used to have when I was your age—maybe younger—before your father found me and showed me what it was really supposed to be like," she pauses and inhales/exhales some smoke. "Your father was just about the best thing that ever happened to me. I've experienced some horrors, Jim, some things a woman shouldn't ever experience. I suppose that's why I was so determined to be so happy, and when I lost your father and you were born—well, I couldn't see any good that could come from it—I wont apologize, Jim. Don't ask me to. I've not come to beg for your forgiveness."

"Well, you're not exactly appealing to my better nature anyway. And I don't go looking for a kick in the face when I've already been kicked," Jim retorts and flicks her gaze to the waitress that rapidly approaches them.

Winona smiles, like she's proud and it confuses the hell out of Jim.

The waitress is a dumpy brunette with wide eyes and overly white teeth. "I'm sorry, I would have been here sooner if I had noticed, and I just couldn't believe who walked into our simple little place—well, I'm rambling and probably making you uncomfortable and shaming myself—anyway, I'm here now, what would you like?" Fantastic service.

Jim wants to say two shots of Jack and a vodka (leave the bottle), but she needs to stay sober for this painful mockery of a heart to heart. So she instead, she says, "A lemonade for now."

"Lemonade," the waitress scribbles. Then she turns to Winona, pencil poised and ready.

"Coffee if you have some," Winona says.

"We do. I'll be write back," and with one more curious glance at Jim, she scuttles away.

Winona stamps out her cigarette and folds her hands over the table. "You'll have to get used to that, you know. People eyeing you, saying things with them and judging you. It's a curious thing—women with power—there's always someone there to make you look like an ass."

"You give excellent advice," Jim mutters sarcastically. "Real uplifting."

Winona shrugs just as their waitress returns with their order before scurrying off again. Winona pulls her coffee in close and reaches for the cream and sugar. "You'll have to do twice as much, just because of what you lack between your legs—its not fair, I know, I've done my time with Starfleet—and I know more than anyone what they expect from us. I've only gotten so far, but the few of us who have reached that pinnacle, including you now James, will really endure and experience the hardships of ignorance," she pauses to take a few loud sips from her cup. Then goes on to say, "I don't want to be right, but you should know these things. You'll notice it—it'll start with your crew—and then it'll follow you on every diplomacy mission. It's unavoidable. But you're a Kirk, and Kirk's aren't anything but victoriously determined, and I have faith that you'll do that name proud."

Jim, who has been steadily drinking her lemonade, puts it down with a frown. "Well thanks for your vote of confidence, it makes up for so much else I'm sure."

Winona eyes her sharply but doesn't comment.

"Instead of mentoring me, how about explaining to me where you've been for the past twenty years? How you could possibly justify leaving me with that sick bastard of an uncle—who by the way sent me to that godforsaken planet Tarsus IV—and then after having been gone for all this time, you decide to show up out of nowhere on today of all days, when it's supposed to be one of the greatest moments of my life. And then you tell me why I shouldn't crack your head open over this table when all you do is talk about how hard its going to be for me, all this bullshit about poor you and the life that was supposed to be but never was, and what you think you know about me.

"Or how you're not looking for my forgiveness, how you're not even sorry, at all, for all those birthdays I spent alone, those days spent waiting for just one word, _one word_, from you, or how I had to read about what it means to menstruate from a book when my _mother _should have been there to guide me through it all. Or should we talk about the fact that until this day, I haven't had a clue to what you even looked like. Or maybe how I had to fucking search the databanks to even know what my own father looked like, because I guess you never had the time to send me any photos.

"Or we could even talk about how, when I was old enough, and I knew what I was doing and who I was looking for, I looked you up and hacked your file. So don't come here telling me about your ten-year service to Starfleet that ended when you reached the rank of first officer before you retired. I know all about how you got remarried to a Dr. Olsen Cunningham, and your three kids, George, Sylvia and Hannah—and how dare you by the way, name another man's son after my father when you barely even made sure that the child you already had was still even _alive_. You know, all those times I could have looked for your picture, I didn't, because I would have rather not known it was you if we ever cross paths one day. I would have rather not known, Winona."

Winona says nothing, but she looks properly chastised.

Jim thinks, _Good. She should be fucking sorry for all that shit she put me through._

Winona exhales and stirs her coffee. "You're the one that sent those gifts, then? For the kids, for their birthdays and holidays?"

Jim shrugs, and that's enough of an answer. "I may not care much for you, but those three are my flesh and blood. Though I'm sure you've not told any of them a thing about me."

Winona drops her spoon with a heavy clink, and twists towards her purse. She then pulls out a fat stack of letters, tied together by string and tosses it over to Jim. "You may think I'm the Devil, but I can be thoughtful where it counts. They know all about you, and they've written almost every day to you. The only thing," she pauses to snort humorously. "Well, not the only thing—but I am guilty of not sending them to you sooner, if not at all."

Jim gingerly picks up the huge stack and trembles, feeling it touch some deep place in her, and at the sight of doodled hearts and smiley faces, she wants to smile and cry simultaneously. She would not cry in front of Winona though. Never.

"That's just the first stack. I've got it all organized by age and year. I can forward the rest to your PADD. And—if you wouldn't be opposed to it—I know they'd like to speak to you face to face. Assuming you'll have time-"

Jim glares. "I would make time," she says firmly.

Winona smiles sadly and nods. "I don't question it," she responds. Then she sighs, takes out another cigarette and lights it. "For what it's worth, even if I did apologize, I don't think it'd make a difference. You've become a well-rounded young lady, and that's without me there. Your brother and sisters look up to you, as they should, and, I know your father would be proud."

"I know that too," Jim says quietly.

Winona nods, inhales and exhales in one breath, then sighs. "You decide what you want to define you, Jim. Don't let assholes like me and Frank be the deciding factors. You're a better person than us, and despite my depraved actions, I really do wish you well."

Jim doesn't say anything to that, and then, "I wish you well, for my siblings sake. I wouldn't want them to know what it's like—what it's been like—and I sure hope you treat them well."

"I'm sure you have a special way of finding out if I didn't," Winona says simply. "I love them."

Jim slips out from the booth and throws down enough credits to pay for the both of them plus gratuity. "You should," she replies and turns to leave without another word. When she steps out and rounds the corner, Bones is right there, leaning against a motorcycle, still in his dress uniform. He straightens the moment he sees her, and she marches forward until she's only a step away from him.

Bones eyes her carefully, then says, "You okay, Kid?"

Jim nods wordlessly.

Bones sighs. "You don't gotta do that with me," he says gruffly.

Jim wiggles her mouth as her eyes water and shakes her head, body shuddering with upcoming sobs.

Bones pulls her to him immediately and holds her tightly as she hides her face in his shoulder to weep. "Shh, darlin', shh, it's okay."

"_Fuck her,_" she mumbles into his uniform. "_Fuck 'er Bones._"

Bones chuckles wryly. "Yeah, Kid, I know."

Jim sniffs. "_Crying sucks._"

Bones rubs comforting circles into her lower back and makes a sound of agreement. "Truer than you know, Jimmy—though," he says. "You sure are pretty with those big, watery-blue eyes."

Jim pulls back to glare at him and punches him in the gut as he makes a pained sound. "That's not funny. Crying is for needy little females."

Bones glares back at her as he rubbed his stomach, wincing slightly. "I thought you were one."

Jim crosses her arm, not looking apologetic in the least. "You know if I didn't love you like a brother, I'd-"

"Christ, Kid," Bones interjects and kisses her on the cheek. "You punch like a body-builder."

Jim beams. "You kissed me on the cheek! _And _complimented me!"

Bones waves her off and turns so they are facing the same direction. "So? What do you think?"

Jim blinks. "Bones—is this my bike?"

Bones shrugs and stuffs his hands in the pants of his dress uniform. "Sure looks like it doesn't it?" he responds nonchalantly.

Jim makes a squeal-slash-whine noise deep in her throat that she would later deny to the death. "Oh my God! How did you get it? And…so fast…" she says, hunching down to study it more closely. There's no mistaking it though, this is the bike she built with her own two hands.

"Weren't nothin'," Bones answers smugly, tipping his head as though he were wearing a cowboy hat, apparently very satisfied by her response. "Just figured I oughta show my own little batch of appreciation, since you did get us back to Earth in one piece."

Jim rolls her eyes and stands. "You're making me love you even more Bones with that whole southerly gentlemen act."

"Ain't no act," Bones snaps.

Jim chuckles. "I know. I'm only messing with you," she assures. Then says, "It's just that—if I didn't know you so well, I'd think you were trying really hard to get in my pants—which is ridiculous since all you had to do is ask—ow! Don't pinch me!"

"Ah! Quit punchin' me, Kid!"

"You started it, Bones!"

"I've been nothin' but nice to you, Jim!"

"Well so I was I! Just say the word, Bones, and I'll get on my knees, cause I really do give the best—_fuck_! What are you, a crab? Demon pincher!"

"You say anything more demeaning about yourself and I'll show you just how well you bruise like a peach. And I wont lend you my regenerator, no matter how watery those pretty blue eyes get. Now get your ass on that bike, take us back to the dorm so we can change into our civilian clothes, and we'll go anywhere you like and celebrate like real men."

"Cause we are real men!" Jim declared with pounding her chest with a fist.

Bones snorts and shoves a helmet into her stomach.

Jim grunts in irritation but accepts it. She reaches out and touches his elbow, making Bones pause in the midst of putting his own helmet on. "I—Bones I—" she trails off wordlessly, hoping her eyes conveyed what she couldn't quite say.

Bones eyes her for a moment and then lifts his hand to hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know, Jim. Me too."

She smiles softly and nods. "Now let's go get wasted," she says and throws on her helmet and straddles her bike as Bones echoes her movements and climbs on behind her.

Then they're off, ready to begin the next chapter in their lives.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes: <strong>_We are nearing the end my friends and moving close to the second part of the series._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

Two hours later, and they still haven't left.

Bones pounds his fist against the bathroom door. "_Goddamn it, Jim! I'd like to go before I get any older._"

"I'm almost done," Jim says nonchalantly, applying more mascara to her eyes.

"_You said that an hour ago._"

"Well I'm closer to the truth of it than before," Jim chuckles and steps into a tight red dress. She adjusts and manipulates her breasts to her satisfaction, vaguely wishing she was a C-cup and not a B-cup, runs her hands down her sides to smooth out the wrinkles and twists so that she can look at her at her own ass. She gives an approving nod as she steps into her gold heels (which takes her already 5'6 height, up to an intimidating 5'9), and quickly puts on the matching gold jewelry.

"_Kid…_"

"I'm almost done."

"_You're a menace, and I'm a damn broken record to boot. Should I count off all the gray hairs I've gotten since you've been in there?"_

Jim rolls her eyes and brushes her hair, letting her bangs fall into her face, and clips it off into a low ponytail with a gold butterfly clip. "I'm coming Bones. I'm wrapping it up right now as we speak, I promise," she says as she applies some red lipstick to her lips.

"_Lies, all lies._"

Jim snorts, snaps the lipstick shut, spritzes some perfume around herself, on the sides of her neck, and on the inside of her wrists then dumps it all into her gold pocketbook. She turns and the door retracts, making Bones stumble in and she grins. "Okay, we can leave now," she announces mildly.

Bones catches and rights himself, then lifts his head to glare but his jaw drops in surprise instead.

Jim smirks and flutters her blonde lashes. "Bones, close your mouth. You'll attract flies," she says sweetly and brushes past him, sliding her hand across his stomach.

Bones grunts and fidgets. "Never seen you outside of our red uniform," he responds quietly.

Jim glances over her shoulder and catches him as he subtly adjusts his crotch through his dress pants. He's wearing a dark blue button down short-sleeve shirt, tucked into gray dress pants and belted with a leather belt that matches the leather jacket he reaches for and throws on. "Mm, well you don't look so bad yourself, cowboy," she purrs as she eyes him.

Bones flushes. "Don't toy with me woman," he warns.

Jim winks and throws on an all-white pea coat. "So we're taking a cab right?"

Bones nods and follows her out the door.

"Stop looking at my ass, Bones."

Bones splutters.

Jim throws her head back and laughs. "Joking, I'm totally joking. You can look all you want."

"C'mere, Kid," Bones growls darkly, making a grab for her as she giggles.

Jim sprints away, hoping she doesn't break her ankles or her legs in her high heels as Bones gives chase.

888

The club she picks is called Taboo.

It's the hottest Latin-themed dance club in all of San Francisco, and Jim knows that there will be so much energy, so many faces in there, that no one will pay even the slightest attention to them. Well, no one will treat them like celebrities that is, but they certainly would get a few suitors. Jim is no idiot of her own looks, or Bones (God how she loved to just look at that grumpy southern bastard). In fact, Jim and Bones have been cock-blocking each other all night. Which is just fine for both parties because they came out to get shit-faced, not laid.

Speaking of cock-blocking.

Bones is at the bar, right where Jim left him when she had taken a bathroom break. She can see him through the throng of people gyrating to the pulse of the all too loud Latin music. He is perched on a stool, one dexterous hand fisting a glass of bourbon, facing a giggling redhead who cant seem to stop touching his arm.

Jim saddles right up into Bones's side, leans over him to grab his drink and says, "Hey babe, who's this?" Jim cups the glass of bourbon and gives the redhead a curious look. She also can't help but to check the redhead out too, she did have an impressive physique and Jim is an admirer of the human form, but she also makes sure to put her free hand on Bones's thigh possessively.

The redhead pulls back and blinks. "Uh…"

"This is Laura. She's been so nice, keepin' me company while you were gone, darlin'," Bones replies, playing right along with Jim's game.

Laura continues to stammer.

"Why thank you, Laura," Jim slaps Laura on the arm good-naturedly. "Hey, how old are you? Sixteen—seventeen?"

Laura chokes on her own outrage. "I'm _twenty-seven!_"

Both of Jim's eyebrows lift at that. "Oh, well isn't that something?"

Bones snorts and mutters, "Like you're one to talk. Barely legal yourself."

Jim looks at him sharply, before it morphs into a sweet smile. "You know, I just _cannot_ leave you alone for a second," she says as she grabs Bones's jaw, squeezing near his mouth and making kissy faces at him. "I swear they all flock to you like bees to honey. And why wouldn't they, my little snuggly cuddly squishy honey-bear? Isn't he just adorable? Look at that face." She roughly pats him on the cheek as Bones winces.

Bones glares and grabs her hand, moving it away from his face. "All right, settle down, _darlin'_," he mutters, giving Jim a warning look that says not to press her luck.

Jim shrugs and turns back to the redhead. "Buh-bye Laura, thanks," she waves with an obvious dismissal.

Laura makes a sound of disgust and stomps off.

"Ah," Jim sighs. "She was nice. And kinda hot. I'm almost sad to see her go. We could have had a threesome. What do you think?" she chuckles into Bones's glass of bourbon and downs it like a champ.

Bones snorts, and then makes a face that's both a glare and a look of respect. "What I think is that you're the first woman I ever met that can down the dark stuff without coughin' like an asthmatic."

Jim shrugs and signals the bartender for a refill. "Well, _Bonesy_, you haven't met a lot of real women then."

Bones's hand curls around her hip and he presses her into his side, like he wants them to become one, and leans in so close that his lips are tickling her ear, and says, "When I meet 'em, they're just little girls, lookin' for someone to untangle their panties." A beat, then, "And by the time I'm through—_then, _Jim—_then _they're women."

Jim splutters in complete astonishment at the blatant come-on while Bones watches in satisfaction. "Why _Bones_, I do believe you just said something completely unsavory and _provocative_."

Bones eyes her closely for a moment and gently wrestles his refilled drink from her hand. "Your own fault for lookin' so—like _that_. Givin' a wholesome man like me too much to think about. Too much…" he trails off with a shrug and leans back out of her personal space, downing his drink.

"It's nice to know that you find me attractive," Jim chuckles and he grunts in reply. "But we both know you're far from _wholesome_, Bones."

Bones grins darkly. His dark hazel eyes flickers down to hers and holds. "I'm sure I'd be the perfect man for ya, Jimmy. You and I got the right chemistry, no doubt about that, can't say we wouldn't be good together in bed," he says listlessly; almost as though he were commenting on the weather but his eyes darken in intensity. "I'm more than familiar with you physically—bein' your personal physician has those perks—but give me a chance at it _un-professionally_, and I'm sure I could show you a thing or two that you didn't even know about yourself," he promises darkly. Then just as quickly, the intensity flees from his eyes and is replaced by stone-cold humor. Then he gestures to his own ears with a suggestive shake of his eyebrows to say, "Only problem, I figure, is that my ears are a little too rounded for your tastes," he says nonchalantly. And just to goad her, he adds, "Yes sir, I reckon your tastes leans to more—_green-blooded—_partners."

Jim chokes on her own spit. "Bones! What the fuck?"

Bones chuckles and toasts his empty glass in her direction. "I know you too well, even when you don't think I do, I know you."

Jim pouts and slumps into his side as he plants a hand between her shoulder blades, keeping her against him. "Not fair," she mumbles. "You fight dirty."

"I fight just fine," Bones retorts and signals for another refill.

"It's kinda creepy how you can just—do _that_— know me…without me having to…just…_so _creepy."

"Bullshit."

"Okay, so it's kind of adorable and awesome. You're adorable and awesome Bones."

"Open your mouth and I'll show you how adorable and awesome I can be, Kid."

"_BONES!_" Jim laughs and punches him in his bicep as he snorts and swats her back playfully. "You're too much."

"Likewise," Bones replies and throws back another glass.

Jim gives him a one-armed hug before pulling away completely. "I'm gonna go mingle. You behave while I'm gone. Don't fall victim to anyone's charms."

Bones snorts. "I'm already a victim of yours, Jimmy."

"Well I _is_ a siren," she jokes as she flutters her blonde eyelashes.

Bones rolls his eyes. "'_I is_' is bad grammar, Kid," he mocks.

"Oh would you let that go, you big baby. I didn't even mean anything by it."

"Yeah, yeah. Now get."

Jim sticks her tongue out at him before she pivots on her heel and lets herself get lost in the crowd of squirming bodies, mildly avoiding the hands that reach out to grab her and invite her into the rhythm. Jim will never admit it (because it would be admission to failure, and uh, no, James Fucking Kirk), but she is a horrible dancer and she avoids it at all costs.

Despite this very relevant fact, she has always been a fan of watching it.

888

It's fucking hilarious how easy it is to chat up Laura when they happen to bump into each other at the other end of the dance floor. Laura resists at first, still a little cowed by their run-in earlier, but Jim makes her laugh and it's a done deal from then on in. Jim might have implied that she was in an open relationship with Bones, and Laura might be growing steadily interested in her, and if things go well (which they will, because hello, Jim Fucking Kirk is apart of this equation, of course it will) she might just leave Bones to his own devices and break the not-really-celibacy pact they formed for the night.

Jim's getting closer to her goal, smiling suggestively enough, fluttering her eyelashes enough, adding a touch here to the side of Laura's neck, a caress there to her elbow. Laura doesn't even stand a chance. Jim is aware of the charisma she wields, and anyone she sets her sights on is done for. Laura really is a walk in the park, once Jim gets her past the anger and irritation.

"So, you gotta place?" Jim asks innocently, twirling her finger around one of Laura's red curls, then drops her hand to gently scratch her red fingernails down Laura's freckled arm. "Hm?" she encourages, looking at Laura from under her ridiculously long blonde lashes.

Laura shudders. "I—I live just a few minutes away—we could…I mean…"

Jim flashes white teeth. "Great," then goes in for the kill, or was, before a large hand wraps around her forearm.

"Now, now, sweetheart, you'll break my heart if you run off without inviting me along," a very male voice says from behind her.

When Jim turns her head, she actually has to look up, because whoa, this guy is a fucking giant in his own right, and Jim finds that immediately attractive. What she doesn't find attractive, however, is the unwarranted physical contact and the dazed drunken look in his eye that spells trouble. Sure he's six feet of appealing olive skin, green eyes and dark wild hair that adds to the whole bad boy image he has going on. In another life, Jim thinks, she would have climbed him and took him on the ride of his life. But now…now that he is blatantly being aggressive in an unbecoming way, Jim can only consider him as a threat.

Laura scowls in recognition. "Jack? Would you get out of here! You can't keep doing this every time I go out. What don't you understand about us being broken up?"

This Jack fellow sneers. "We're not done until I say we're done," his fingers tighten around Jim's arm as he reaches out and yanks Laura in close. "Now how about we all leave together, and find somewhere nice and quiet to fuck."

Jim snorts wryly. "Quite the charmer, aren't ya Jack?"

"You better keep your pretty little mouth shut if you know what's good for you," Jack snaps in return.

Jim gives him a disinterested look. "And you should really let me go before I make you realize just what you're dealing with."

"Is that so?" Jack smirk turns menacing.

Laura trembles. "Jack—come on, please—don't bring her into this, I'll-"

Jack backhands her and she goes crumbling to the floor with a cry. "Shut your mouth!"

And before Jim gets a chance to kick him in the head, a fist already flies towards Jack's jaw. Jim swears she sees a couple of teeth fly.

"What the fuck?" Jack groans, stumbling and releasing his grip on Jim's arm. "You bastard! You almost broke my nose Gary!"

The stranger responsible (who looks like an exact replica of Jack, only hotter and with brown eyes and tamed hair) grabs Jack by the front of his shirt. "How many times do I have to remind you not to hit a lady, Jack? Our mother would be rolling in her grave if she bore witness to your appalling manners, so I advise you to apologize right now," he pauses and grips Jack's fingers, painfully, and Jack just howls. "Or I'll break every single one of these fingers. You know I will, I've don't it before, remember?"

"Gary, come on, the bitch deserved-" a whimper of pain cuts him off. "Okay, _okay! _S-sorry," Jack stammers, glancing quickly at Jim who is helping Laura to her feet.

Gary nods in satisfaction and shoves Jack away. "Good, and since I know it's all the booze running rampant in your system, I'm sure you'll be so kind as to escort Laura home, apologize for being such a waste of her time and then never bother her again, right, _brother?_" he says threateningly. "Because I'd hate to have to hear otherwise, and make you bleed from places you weren't aware had that much blood in them."

Jack pales and nods vigorously, whisking Laura away and out of sight.

Jim whistles, catching Gary's attention. "I'm impressed."

Gary sighs. "I do apologize for my brother's behavior. He—has recently—well, that's still no excuse for that kind of behavior. Again, I apologize."

Jim grins and crosses her arms. This guy is like something out of a romance novel, and she is _very _interested. "Oh I don't think much of it. Though, I did have it under control."

"I'm sure you did," Gary replies, almost placating.

Jim narrows her eyes. "I_ did_," she presses.

Gary just makes a thoughtful sound and nods. "I believe you," he replies. Then he turns without another word and walks away.

"Hey!" Jim yells after him, but it's too late. He's lost in the crowd, leaving Jim frowning in confusion.

"Huh. That was strange."

"Ah! What the fuck, Bones! Don't sneak up on me like that," Jim shoves at him as he lifts an eyebrow.

"Kid, maybe you should be more aware of your surroundings. I definitely didn't have to sneak," Bones retorts.

Jim huffs and rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Let's get out of here, this club is a little too much for my tastes."

"Amen to that."

888

Carpe diem: that's what they do—did.

The night becomes an entire blur once they stumble out of the club and into a nearby liquor store so that they can procure they're own alcoholic substances. Well Bones, does, that is, since Jim isn't of age yet, which sucks by the way. Jim isn't sure what happens after that, because that's when things go blank. It's not surprising, since she did down an entire bottle of Klingon Bloodwine, and it had been imported which meant it was _legit_. None of that watered down shit that most vendors tried to pull just to save a pretty penny. Now, Jim was a fantastic contender when it came to heavy drinking, and she was fairly sure she could even out-drink Bones, but it was something about the Klingon Bloodwine that always did her in. She is fairly certain that this is the case last night, and God help Bones, because she had always been a horny drunk when she was shit-faced.

It's a complete and utter relief when she wakes up in their dorm bathroom on top of the sink, wearing a paper crown and spooning her own stilettos. The hangover that's supposed to be waiting for her when she regains consciousness, isn't, and she immediately suspects Bones is the culprit. By some mercy (and maybe a little exasperated love) he's decided to finally share his miracle hangover formula. Three years she's begged for it and not once had Bones given in, taking gleeful joy in her suffering, saying that if she was dumb enough to drink herself under the table with little to no concern for her own body, than she deserved what came after.

Bones really could be too uppity sometimes.

Jim snorts as she sits up on the sink and ponders over the fact that Bones is sprawled on the bathroom floor, face-down, without a shirt on, and a big, squared bandage is taped to his upper left shoulder blade. Then she frowns when she feels the pinch of tape at the side of her hipbone. Well that wouldn't do, she just had to know what kind of matching tattoos they had.

Jim hops down off the sink, onto Bones's back, and he wakes with a start, swearing Jim up and down as she shimmies out of her dress.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bones splutters, climbing to his feet and looking away to preserve Jim's modesty.

Jim rolls her eyes. "You've seen me naked before Bones."

"Professionally."

"You even said so yourself last night."

"Yeah, and I was tipsy at the time."

"I mean you probably know my vagina better than I do-"

"_Professionally!_"

Jim chuckles. "Okay, whatever. You're my personal physician and so you've seen me in all my naked glory, but right now I'm not even naked. I've got my underwear on," she points out.

Bones flushes. "I saw," he mutters quietly and turns completely from her.

"Well you do have to admit, yellow looks good against my skin."

"Whatever."

Jim snickers, because that is Bones's roundabout way of agreeing with her. "You got a tattoo too, Bones," Jim points out. "Let's take a peek at yours after I look at mine, it'll help me figure out whether they coincide or not," she says as she peels the squared bandage from the upper left side of her pelvis, right above the elastic of her panties, dipping slightly below it. "Huh," she says thoughtfully as she looks down. "Hey Bones—I'm not sure but—isn't that the Starfleet Medical Division badge?"

Bones whips around and ogles her pelvis shamelessly. Slowly, within the span of ten seconds, he goes beet red. "Goddamn it Jim!"

"What? What did _I _do?" Jim protests and laughs when he turns even redder while he gapes. The she smirks deviously, "I'll bet you a handful of credits that I know what yours is."

Bones swears colorfully and faces the mirror so that he can see himself remove the bandage from his shoulder blade, refusing Jim's help when she offers it. The angle is pretty tricky, but he manages it and at the sight of the unmistakable Starfleet Command Division badge, he flushes again. 

Jim chuckles, but turns a little pink. "We sure know how to get it in, huh Bones?"

"I'm too old for this," Bones says wearily.

Jim claps him over the un-tattooed shoulder. "Could be worse. Besides," she says quite confidently. "I think it looks _very _fetching on you."

Bones eyes her reflection sharply. Then he narrows his eyes. "You like it," he accuses.

Jim goes slightly pink again.

The corner of Bones's mouth curls into a dark grin. "You like the thought of me carrying your mark."

"Shut up."

Bones whistles thoughtfully, loving every minute of it. "That's quite a kink you got there, Kid."

"I said _shut up _Bones."

"You know," Bones continues. "I reckon I just might keep it then, if you like it so much, Jimmy."

"You are the devil."

Bones nods and its full of sarcastic sympathy. "I just bet you'll do a number on that green-blooded hobgoblin once you've sunk your claws in 'im."

"I do not have claws, and you shut up right now, you southern son of a bitch!"

"I wonder how many times he'll have to come down to my sickbay," Bones goes on saying, gliding from the bathroom. "I can just see it now. '_Doctor, if you would be so kind as to remove these markings. Jim was quite insatiable this time and has once again, despite my heavy protests, enthusiastically placed noticeable markings upon my person. I suspect she takes pleasure in placing them there_.'" Bones has a very horrible Spock voice, but it still hits home and now Jim is the one that's beet red.

"Please go fall in a ditch and die," Jim says as she fidgets in the doorway of the bathroom.

Bones lifts a questioning eyebrow. "So I am right after all, well doesn't that just beat all," he mutters. "I knew you were attracted to that unfeeling robot, but I didn't think-"

"Don't," Jim warns as she holds up a hand. "Don't finish that sentence. It's complicated as it is."

"Uh huh," Bones merely replies.

"Look, I need a fucking shower before you wring every bit of detail out of me. And you could use one too. I like to feel clean when I spill my fucking guts," and before Bones can respond, she turns and the door slides close behind her.

888

Two hours after she '_spills her fucking guts'_, Jim finds that Bones takes all the information she provides him with very well. Well, in the way that Bones can take things, with sarcasm and cynical humor. The look in his eye though, Jim notices, is one that says he promises to stay by her side through all the mess of confusion and conflicting emotions, through the laughs and the tears. He looks amused and sad for her. Like he's seeing beyond her, beyond Spock and the whole situation, into the future, and its like he's able to see the trials and tribulations headed their way. And maybe he does, but she's too afraid to ask. She's too young and unsure still about it all.

"So that's how you got back on the ship huh?" Bones finally says after a while.

Jim nods.

"I knew somethin' was familiar about that bastard. Came up to me during the ceremony and chatted me up like we were long lost cousins or somethin'. Then told me where you were and why it would be a good idea to meet you there," Bones goes on to say. "Does the littlest Spock know?"

"About the other him? Oh yeah," Jim sighs.

"And the bond?" Bones asks carefully.

Jim frowns. "You make it sound so serious."

Bones rolls his eyes. "I'll take that as a no."

Jim picks up her PADD when it chimes and studies it.

"Kid, you need to talk to him. I doubt his father mentioned anything yet, which means he's leaving it to you," Bones points out.

Jim eyes flicker up to meet his and then back down again. "I want to, believe me. But—I just don't know _how._ I can't just say, '_Hey Spock, how goes it. You been feeling weird lately? What's that? Well what do you know? Me too! By the way, I kinda, sorta got to first base with older you and now I think you and I might be inadvertently engaged because of it._' Yeah, real smooth, Bones, real smooth."

Bones quirks an eyebrow. "I wouldn't exactly put it all like that."

"No, you wouldn't, because you don't have to have that uncomfortable conversation with Spock _and _his father, thankfully not at the same time, but still," Jim pouts. "We need to go see Prime Spock."

Bones scowls. "What for?"

"Cause he'll know what to do. I mean who better to ask about Spock than—Spock?" Jim states, hopping to her feet with renewed vigor.

"No way in hell-" Bones mutters firmly.

Jim gives him a cross look. "Oh yes you will. You know why? Cause there's a little tattoo on your back that says I own you. And anyway, he invited us to come have tea with him. Who am I to refuse that request?"

Bones huffs in irritation. "Oh you _own _me now do you? And what about you? I clearly remember you having a similar tattoo."

Jim shrugs. "Then we own each other. The point is, I need you with me."

Bones doesn't say anything to that, and then he sighs. "Fine. As long as we pick up somethin' to eat along the way. I'm so hungry, I could eat the north end of a south-bound polecat."

Jim frowns with amusement. "What?"

888

It doesn't taken them long to get to Prime Spock, and maybe even would have sooner if Bones hadn't been complaining the whole time about how crazy hungry he was, using all these crazy-weird southern euphemisms. So they manage to obtain some turkey hotdogs (Jim does _not _eat pork or beef, ew) and since the hotel that Prime Spock is staying in is within walking, they do just that: walk.

How awkward is it to run into Spock in the lobby?

Pretty damn awkward. They spend a moment just glancing at each other, stood still by this strange confrontation.

**_Curiosity._**

It just blooms inside of her, and fills her up, making her realize what has been missing these past couple of days. The walls Sarek put up must have faded, leaving her completely receptive to his emotions. Jim fidgets, and worries if Spock can feel her in return. He shows no sign of it, if he does, but Jim figures she would be able to feel that too if he did.

"Doctor, Captain," Spock greets cordially, and a little stiffly, breaking the silence.

Bones scowls with as much unfriendliness he could muster. "We got names you-"

Jim elbows him in his ribcage. "Play nice, Bones," she gently chastises. Then she turns her gaze to Spock. "Good evening, Commander. Visiting your father?" she asks innocently. Most of the rooms in this hotel are vacated by Vulcans, until further notice.

**_Apprehension._**

Spock gives no outward hint to the emotion, and if Jim hadn't sensed it, she wouldn't have known it was there in the first place. "Affirmative," he says slowly.

Jim just smiles cheerfully, despite how awkward it feels between them still. "Awesome. I hope Sarek is doing well," she says.

**_Disbelief. Alarm. _**

Bones gives her this bug-eyed look that says, _Are you out of your mind, woman? Could you be anymore obvious or tactless?_

Jim instantly realizes her mistake, and reddens as she splutters.

**_Amusement._**

"Uh…he said I could call him—um…" Jim trails off and winces as both men quirk a questioning eyebrow at her.

Spock studies her for a moment. "Indeed," he answers slowly. "If you will excuse me. Captain, Doctor, I will see you aboard the Enterprise."

"Uh, right," Jim replies uselessly as he strides past them and towards the exit. "Hey! Wait a minute! You never said you'd come."

Spock turns his body towards them as he pauses mid-step. "I believe I just did, Captain."

Jim snorts. "Sassing me again Mr. Spock?" and it's so weird how easy this back and forth is between them.

**_Mirth. Smugness._**

Spock's posture straightens, but his dark eyes hold some vague form of amusement. "I am unfamiliar with the term, Captain." A not so subtle glance is aimed at her cheek. The exact cheek that used to be bruised but is no longer (thanks to Bones mad skills), and then he's facing away from them again, a tense line in his shoulders and his clasped hands. A beat, then, "You are properly recovered. I am—pleased." Then he's gone.

Jim gapes.

Bones gapes.

They continue to gape, even long after he's gone.

"Did he just-"

"-There's no way."

Silence.

"You really need to talk to him about that bond, Kid," Bones says. "It's screwin' with all the chemicals in his brain."

Jim glares.

"Really," Bones adds.

"Come on. One Spock at a time," she sighs, yanking Bones along by the grip she has on his wrist.

They take the stairwell, because Jim likes to work off all the remaining calories of her food, which Bones says is ridiculous because she's, as he says, fucking healthier than a cluster of horses. She just responds that it's more for his benefit then, because the older you get, the less malleable. He chases her up the last few flights just for that and they end up on Prime Spock's doorstep, out of breath and disheveled.

Prime Spock is highly amused and unsurprised. "I see Jim has not lost her ability in goading you, Leonard," he comments lightly as they follow him into the living room.

Bones scowls. "The name's Dr. McCoy."

"Of course, Leonard, I have not forgotten." Prime Spock replies graciously. "I believe the tea is ready, excuse me."

Jim snickers and sits down, tugging on Bones's sleeve when he refuses to budge. She finally gets him to sit after exactly seven tugs. "Bones can get a little touchy when it comes to his name. Took him forever to get used to my nickname for him," she calls out to Prime Spock.

"Just cause I don't say nothin', doesn't mean I still don't like it, Kid," Bones grumps and crosses his arms.

"The Leonard McCoy I was acquainted with had mutual feelings on the matter as well," Prime Spock responds as he reappears with a tray of tea, brownies and sliced apples.

Jim perks up at the sight. She grabs an apple slice and shoves it in her mouth with a moan, and ignores the look Bones casts her way. "Oh wow. Are these wine sap?" She grabs another, along with a brownie, and jams them in her mouth simultaneously. "_Ugh!_ Ghirardelli chocolate! God, these two are my absolute favorite."

"I am aware," Spock Prime says softly and watches her with delighted intensity.

Jim blushes but continues to munch away happily. She groans shamelessly.

Bones flushes and glares reproachfully at Prime Spock. "You're not slick," he hisses.

Jim squirms.

Prime Spock's eyebrow elevates. "Slick, Leonard? Forgive me, I am unfamiliar with the phrase."

"You know what I mean!" Bones snaps in frustration. "And stop calling me Leonard! You're no kin to me."

"Leave 'im 'lone Bones," Jim mumbles around a mouthful of apples and chocolate. She squirms and turns a little pink. She swallows, then says, "He's just being nice."

"Oh I'm sure," Bones drawls sarcastically, keeping his narrowed eyes on Prime Spock. "Your so full of shit, your eyes are brown."

The corner of Prime Spock's mouth twitches. "A curious metaphor, Leonard."

Bones swears colorfully.

Jim laughs and fidgets again, breathing a little more heavily than before. She exhales and fans herself.

Bones eyes her carefully. "What the hell is wrong with you, Jim? Why can't you be still?"

"Cause," Jim fidgets some more as her cheeks fill with blood.

Bones eyes widens slowly. "Jesus H. and Mary. You're horny!"

Jim snorts but doesn't try to deny it. "Smooth Bones, real smooth," she mumbles as she flushes. "It just happens when—_did you seriously bring your tricorder?_"

Bones just pulls out his PADD to study the results. "Between you and you're infinite amount of allergies, I can never be too cautious." Even though the readings come back normal, with the exception of her elevated heartbeat and body heat, and the, ahem, spike in her hormones. "You!" Bones points an accusing finger at Spock Prime. "I'd accuse you of drugging her if I wasn't looking at her scans myself. But you aint foolin' me you old elf! Just what would you have done if I wasn't here?"

Prime Spock quietly sips his tea.

"Bones!" Jim snaps. "Stop it. It's not his fault that apples and chocolate make me horny. And you could at least trust that I can be a sensible person half of the time."

Bones scowls. "I didn't mean it like that, Kid, I just-"

"Was being a protective asshole as always?" Jim supplies. "Now shut up and drink enough tea for the both of us."

Bones mutters but does as he's told. The kid has him so whipped it's ridiculous.

Jim glances over to Prime Spock to see the curious look in his dark eyes. "What?"

"You do not like tea?"

Jim shakes her head to the negative. They could thank _Frank_ for that, and a particularly traumatic experience that has put her off of drinking hot liquids for a lifetime.

"Fascinating."

Bones snorts into his cup of tea.

"I'm guessing your Jim does," she says.

"Indeed," Prime Spock says. "He preferred chamomile above all others."

Jim nods. "Guess that's something else we don't have in common, besides gender."

Bones quirks an eyebrow. "You failed to mention that to me, Jim."

Jim waves it off. "Details, details." Then she pauses, as though realizing something. "Hey why can't I feel you?" she asks Prime Spock. "Why can I even feel anything at all with younger you? You know Sarek, that's your dad by the way, approached me about it. Apparently Spock and I are, like, engaged."

"A result of the mind-meld," Prime Spock explains. "The gold thread you witnessed, flowing from my mind to yours, was the bond already established between Jim and I. You recognized it as your own and therefore claimed it, consequently creating a link between you and my younger counterpart."

Vulcan Translation: _Don't look at me, it's your own fault for touching stuff you weren't supposed to. _

"You didn't try to stop me from touching it you sneaky, manipulative, ambitious Vulcan," Jim points out.

Prime Spock sips his tea quietly.

Jim rolls her eyes. "I still don't understand. Why would that link the younger you and I?"

"The nature of the bond is complex and unpredictable in its own merits," Prime Spock answers.

"Is that a pretty way of saying you don't know?" Jim asks with a hint of suspicion.

Prime Spock takes another quiet sip of his tea.

Jim huffs and grabs for another apple slice. She munches away as she notices how quiet Bones has been. When she glances over, she sees that leaning back, slumped against the back of the couch and asleep. She laughs. "Well I guess tea does have its uses. Especially the—what did you say it was—chamomile? If it gets Bones this mollified, I'll have to smuggles hoards of this stuff aboard and shove it down his throat when he wants to give me one of those uppity lectures of his."

"Indeed," Prime Spock murmurs and studies Bones. Then his dark eyes flickers to Jim's sky blues. "Jim, it was not my intention. The bond. Though I will not deny my curiosity as to what would happen when you encountered it."

"Don't apologize, I know you didn't mean anything by it, but, well it's making things a bit awkward for me, and for him. At least it will, when he finds out, God help me, and I do feel like you forced your hand a little. But I don't blame you, your intentions were noble-ish," Jim says and goes for another brownie. "So why don't you tell me about what your future plans are."

"Only if you permit me the same, _t'hy'la_."

Boy, Jim's got to work on that blushing thing.

888

The next three days for Jim are spent in the warm lazy heat of Georgia on the McCoy farm. There certainly were a lot of men born into that family, half of which who were cousins of Bones and still unattached, as they liked to constantly inform Jim. It is particularly interesting to see Bones in his own element, and it seems to bring out the possessive and protective side of Bones all the more. He is not amused at all by his cousins' antics or come-ons at Jim, and he keeps Jim under a watchful eye, refusing to let her go anywhere or do anything without his '_permission'_. If she didn't find it endearing, she would be annoyed and pissed at him, because he doesn't treat her like a lover, no, that's just weird, sexual attraction or not. No, he treats her like she is his own sister, a twin, who was born and bred of the same flesh and blood, refusing to let anyone and anything that means her harm, to step within her sight.

It's beautiful out here, unlike anything she's ever felt, wildly different from the hustle and bustle of San Fran. She gets to wake up every morning of those three days, to the smell of fresh cut grass, and buttered biscuits fresh from the oven. It's all infused with Bones's unique smell and the scent of fresh linen from the sheets they sleep on, since they spend these nights in the same bed (protective bastard refuses to let her sleep alone when his cousins are spending the night as well), which usually means they wake up tangled together.

She's not familiar with the family setting, so it's like watching some kind of sappy vid about southern families when she watches Bones interact with the whole of his family. They've all come out to see Leo (Jim snickers every time someone calls him that), having heard about his great space exploits. Bones just takes every hug, every kiss on the cheek and pat on the back with his usual scowl and grumpy nature, but he's a lot more open and friendly in a way. Bones knows her, he just does, and he eases her into it all, aware that family is a delicate subject for her. He usually bullies his family away when their curiosity and questions become too prying.

Momma McCoy, the matriarch of the McCoy family, takes an instant shining to her, and seems rather disappointed by the fact that the relationship Jim has with Bones is completely platonic. Jim finds it highly amusing when Mrs. Eleanora McCoy sulks and glares at Bones the more she warms up to Jim. Bones blushes every time and flees from under his mother's watchful and accusing gaze to bond with his horse, Saturn. Which, by the way, Jim is pissed about because Bones never said anything about that wonderful, majestic creature before. Sure she knows all about little Joanna McCoy, but not the horse?

Bones can be so weird sometimes.

Their last day there is spent with Jim in the kitchen with all the McCoy women, doing her share in preparations for the farewell meal they're stringing together. Bones is off doing chores probably, or playing football with the McCoy men, or acting as pitcher for all the mini-McCoys. Bones, contrary to what he would have people believe, is really athletic, and for all his bitching about his age, you'd never know it.

Jim snickers to herself as she peels, what seems to be, the sixtieth sweet potato.

"Jamie, dear," Momma McCoy says over a steaming pot of collard greens. "You've done your time. Why don't you go and check on that fool son of mine. Tell 'im I sent you, and tell 'im I'm so disappointed that he lettin' you slip away. I swear he doesn't have enough sense to pour piss outta boot."

"You sure?" Jim says, standing to her feet and brushing off a few stray potato skins from her ripped shorts.

Eleanora smiles fondly. "I most certainly am. Now come gimme a yankee dime before you leave."

Jim nods and maneuvers around the other women to give Momma McCoy a kiss on the cheek. "Bones doesn't know how lucky he is."

"Likewise," Eleanora chuckles. "Go on, now, get," she snaps her red-checkered dishtowel at Jim's legs, sending her hopping out the kitchen.

Jim walks toward the porch and pushes open the screen door when she spot's one of Bones's cousin. Luckily, he was one of the more married ones, so she didn't have worry about Bones springing from the shadows to defend her honor. "Hey Bobby," she greets.

Bobby, who seems to be supervising the baseball game going on between the youngsters, glances at her fleetingly. "Hello yourself Miss Jim," he smiles. "What can I do ya for?"

"Just wondered if you knew where I could find, Bones?" Jim says and doesn't miss the way he glances quickly at her in amusement. Everyone did that when she called their precious Leo, 'Bones'.

"Nah. Sorry. Though I reckon you'd find him just up the way with his horse. That's where you can find 'im most days anyway," Bobby answers and then he frowns. "Kenny, stop tacklin' everyone that comes to first. It's not football!" He yells.

Jim smiles. "Thanks. Catch you later Bobby!"

"No problem Miss Jim," Bobby says in return before he turns his attention back to the game. "Ey! If y'all don't quit that fightin', I'm gonna whip you so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week!" he goes on yelling when two of the older ones start wrestling out on the front yard.

Jim makes it to the stables with no troubles, but there is no Bones to her disappointment. Saturn is out and about however. "Saturn! How did you get loose. Troublesome little fella. Oh wow, now I'm starting to talk like a McCoy," she snorts and grabs one of the hairbrushes off the shelf posted on the wall. She approaches the horse gingerly, remembering how quick Saturn was to bite or kick anyone who wasn't Bones in the head.

Saturn huffs and watches her for a moment before galloping over and bumping his nose into her chin, as if to say, _I ain't gone bite. I actually like you._

"You know you remind me of Bones," Jim says softly, brushing his mane gently while stroking a hand down his nose. "You sure are temperamental like him."

Saturn bobs his head and sniffs around her shoulders.

Jim giggles. "You're a lot more affectionate than he is, that's for sure."

"If I'd known you wanted to me to be more affectionate-" Bones snorts. "You know all you gotta do is ask, Jimmy."

Jim jumps in surprise and glares. "When did you get here?"

Bones shrugs.

"I was looking for you," Jim says as she turns from him and continues to stroke Saturn down his nose.

"Yet I'm the one that found _you_," Bones drawls ironically.

Jim notices that he goes quiet, and she can feel his heavy gaze. "What?" she asks without looking at him. She starts brushing along Saturn's back.

"He doesn't do that."

"Who doesn't do what?"

"Saturn. He doesn't behave for just anyone."

"It's definitely my animal magnetism," Jim replies offhandedly. "Your mother said you're a fool for not making an honest woman of me."

Bones snorts. "Did you inform my momma that you've got your sights on that pointy-eared bastard?"

Jim blushes, and she's suddenly grateful that her back is to him. "You suck."

"And you're the queen of comebacks."

"Keep it up Bones, and I'll throttle you right in front of your gorgeous horse, and then drag you to the house so that I can throttle you in front of your family."

"Is that so? Careful now, you're gettin' just a little bit too big for your britches. I may have to take you down a notch or two."

"_Ooh_, I'm _so_ scared."

"You should be."

Jim yelps when she feels something wet collide against her back. She whips around to see Bones wielding a water balloon. In fact, there is a bucket of them at his feet. "You southern piece of shit! Was that what you've been doing the whole time?"

Bones's lips curl deviously at the corners. "Possibly. What're you gonna do about it?"

Jim glares. "Well I-_fuck that's cold!_" she stumbles back as another is aimed at her face, and met with success. "Damn it Bones! I'm wearing a white tank top and no bra!"

"Not my fault now is it," Bones replies calmly, then he picks up the bucket and takes a menacing step towards her.

"Now Bones—let's be dignified about this—we wouldn't want to do something we both regret," Jim chuckles nervously and retreats slowly.

"Oh there are no regrets here," Bones assures, matching her step for step.

"Seriously! Have some compassion. Gah! Save me Saturn!" Jim ducks behind said horse. "Bones! Bones, come on. You're not still mad that I told your mom about the time I walked in on you and those two Andorian girls-"

"You did _what_?"

"-Cause your mom just laughed at the whole thing, honestly."

"Jim, Jim, Jim," Bones tsks. "I suggest you run."

And Jim does, screaming, flailing her arms wildly and carrying on as Bones pummeled her with balloons. All the little McCoys pointed their fingers and laughed. Even some of the older McCoys snickered at their antics. Jim curses Bones the whole time, swearing the sweetest revenge, but he only chuckles darkly and chases her into circles around the house until he runs out of ammunition. Jim does get him back though when she gets ahold of the water hose on the side of the house and makes him just as wet, if not more, as she is.

Unfortunately, in this game, neither of them are the winners, because when Momma McCoy finds them trying to sneak back into the house, sopping wet, and dripping all over her carpet, she pitches a fit and kicks them out. She then makes them stand on opposite sides of the porch in timeout, and they weren't allowed to move until they dried completely. Jim snickers the whole time, much to Bones's irritation, and kept muttering about how he was too fucking old to be put on timeout. It is at this point when Jim feels inclined to point out that it's his entire fault. For that she gets the middle finger, which she returns, and because they are both standing in front of a window, Momma McCoy sees, and they get an extra fifteen minutes added to their timeout.

They behave.

When they leave early the next morning, Bones swears that he is never bringing Jim home with him again.

Total lie; Momma McCoy wouldn't stand for it.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes: <strong>_One more chapter left and we're stepping into the next part of the series. Chapter 7 will be short and sweet…well…mostly short. So, yeah, that. Please comment._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7**

Bones and Jim go their separate ways on Thursday night. Jim stays with Bones long enough to take a shuttle up to New York on Thursday morning to meet the infamous Miss Joanna McCoy. Jim has never seen Bones so happy, despite having to confront his ex-wife when they went to go pick up Miss Jo-Bear. Joanna is all smiles and determination.

She may not have her father's gloomy disposition on life, but she's got everything else of his, right down to the eyebrow thing. When Jim is sure that Bones is all settled down with little Jo-Jo in his hotel room, and is as content as can be, she leaves with the promise of seeing Bones on Sunday, the day they would start their fire year commission on the Enterprise. She took a shuttle that night back to San Francisco. Then hopped on her bike and rode all the way out to Iowa, as crazy as it sounds, and arrived there by early Saturday morning.

She needs closure for the last time.

She rides down all the streets she used to know, through the neighborhoods she grew up in and caused havoc in. She even circles around to take a gander at the house she grew up in. It's still there, as well as Frank. Jim doesn't move to confront him, she just continues on. She pulls up to Riverside's shipyard and stares, contemplating how much her life has changed these past years. She thinks about every decision that she's made that led up to this point, and forces herself to imagine how it could have been, had she disregarded Pike's challenge.

It's a scary thought. Yet, so are all the possibilities of the future.

Jim looks around once more, takes it all in and glances over her shoulder. A smile blossoms across her lips and she gives Iowa a final goodbye and rides off into the morning light, back to San Fran, back to her destiny.

Back to the Enterprise, and off to space, where she truly belongs.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Notes: <strong>_This is the end my friends, but just for this part. Now its time to move into the second part of the series. Thanks for all your comments, and thanks for reading._


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR NOTES:**

For continuous and quicker updates, please follow my blog (or even just visit it) on livejournal. If you go to my profile here, and click the homepage link, it will lead you directly to my journal. There will also be an adjacent series that focuses on the letters sent between Jim and her siblings, which I will not post here but only at my journal. Also there are pictures of what I feel Jim looks like as a female at my journal, and also a picture for chapter 7 can be found there as well. So once again, for quicker updates on this series, take a peek at my livejournal account. You'll find all sorts of nifty things there that I'm not able to pull off here.

Again, I really appreciate the feedback, and I love you guys and your support, I've taken every review into account and have continued to try and be diligent as well as entertaining for you lot.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

http : / / whatshouldntbe . livejournal . com / (without the spaces of course)


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